The little two cm li lump and the five nodes had made me into a person I hate.
I became the selfish person I am thinking only about me, my pain, my sufferings. And it is a person I hate
It made me doubt my faiths, the existence of the god that I have always prayed to, wondering about the love he talks about he has for me. It shakes me up so much that I don't think rationally any more. And I don't want to think. I only react
And I react angrily, so angry with the world and everything that goes with it.
People kind words are no longer welcomed. Their Wellington tension if not carried further becomes a hated thing instead of being kinder
I hate it I hate I hate it, I hate what it is doing to me and I hate it more when I don't know when it can subside.
The sores are not going away d. For everyone that is subsiding slightly , another one comes up stronger. When will it end. So far one one has fully gone but three or four more has come up. When when when when will it end
At the beginning, it was denial, when I accepted it, I was ready to fight. I had the books, the puzzle and the bible all ready. Then I realise every little step was actually a giant mountain to my body and my soul. It whack me hard and then I decided to just look at one day at a time. Then it slap me and made me lost my senses.then you say you win, I sit back. It was still not satisfied, the bashing still come none stop till I say ok I am ready to go, just take me. Still no stop, I have now been reduced to say, just give me a moment of peace when you take me. If God has ang existence or any care or other forme, just give my last days painless and peaceful and fast
This is what the lump has done to me. And I hate it
No comments:
Post a Comment