This is the season for Feng Shui, recollections and planning ahead. So apparently, I was well jabbed with the illness star last year. Sad to say, I really had it bad the whole year. I am praying hard that things will change for the better this year. Hope what the Feng Shui says is true too for this year. Like I said before, just so tired of all that has been happening.
Met up with my ex-student who is a surgeon now. Happy to see him doing well with a lovely family. He has been a caring one all the while and is nice to know that he is still so caring offering me care in his hospital should I need it. Definitely hope I don't need it but so very touched to know it. Once again Thank you Lord for these little blessings.Btw, his daughter seems to see me as her ammah whom she is fond of! Congrats to me. Now I have move on to the next generation!
My ECG doesn't seem to show any problem with my heart (according to doctor in UMMC) but my pulse rate did goes up very high at certain times during the 24 hours monitoing session). So I am told to relax and take things easy. Easier said than done but will be trying and praying very, very hard. Also told to walk in if things get bad. Again I hope that opening will not be used!
With the lunar new year approaching, may I have a better year.!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Irritated with myself
Today, one of my few good remaining teeth broke. Had to get to the dentist, somethng I detest out of fear.Luckily he seems to think there may be a small chance to salvage it. That is if I don't get an onset of toothache within the next 2 weeks. Keeping everything crossed and praying. In the meantime only liquid diet for 12 hours. What a way to lose weight!
For the past year, my health has been giving me little irritants non stop. From my teeth, I couldn't get a denture done. When I changed dentist, it got done but not very comfy so still using the old one and hoping it won't break. Maybe I should get the new one readjusted. Then my crown came off and now another tooth broke. When will it give me a break?
My womb hasn't been a good child too. The bleeding was bad, needed to undergo GA, has a scare but the good news is that the fibroids are gone. Now my body decides it is not time to go into menopause. So I had to stay young longer!
After writing it out, I guess it wasn't tat bad just that I am getting impatient and wanted to do so many things. Because of my palpitation and swelling below my neck, I had been taking things easy hoping it will improve. Having lost my patience, I started to go on the threadmill this week. Something I know I should do and actually do enjoy it to a certain extend. Guess what, the belt has to break. A sign from Someone to be patient?
When things go bad, it is good to write it out. Somehow it sounds better and after realising that it could be worst (so far no broken bones nor confirmed terminal disease and there is still something call soft diet that I enjoy if I ever lose all my teeth). So in the end, we still say our thanks.
Thanks for the blessings but could I just get some peace, Mr Health.
For the past year, my health has been giving me little irritants non stop. From my teeth, I couldn't get a denture done. When I changed dentist, it got done but not very comfy so still using the old one and hoping it won't break. Maybe I should get the new one readjusted. Then my crown came off and now another tooth broke. When will it give me a break?
My womb hasn't been a good child too. The bleeding was bad, needed to undergo GA, has a scare but the good news is that the fibroids are gone. Now my body decides it is not time to go into menopause. So I had to stay young longer!
After writing it out, I guess it wasn't tat bad just that I am getting impatient and wanted to do so many things. Because of my palpitation and swelling below my neck, I had been taking things easy hoping it will improve. Having lost my patience, I started to go on the threadmill this week. Something I know I should do and actually do enjoy it to a certain extend. Guess what, the belt has to break. A sign from Someone to be patient?
When things go bad, it is good to write it out. Somehow it sounds better and after realising that it could be worst (so far no broken bones nor confirmed terminal disease and there is still something call soft diet that I enjoy if I ever lose all my teeth). So in the end, we still say our thanks.
Thanks for the blessings but could I just get some peace, Mr Health.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Reflections and Looking Ahead
As I blog before, the last 6 to 8 months has been emotional to me. It took me to levels I have never experienced and thoughts I had never given any attention too.It woke me up and made me assess myself and those around me. It is amazing the discoveries one can made. I dug into my inner most feelings and taught me to make a stand.
Let's first look at my health. I guess I am at the age that all kinds of weird complains creeps in. I can blame it on menopause, old age but none the less, they are real. First I was told that cancer might be the reason for my menses problem. Then I discover a growth that is yet to be identified. My palpitations is close to my heart in more ways than one. So the next thought will be death. Couple with the death of friends ' parents due to old age and critical illness., I am once again thrown into the cubicle of morbid thoughts.
When I first thought of the prospect of death,my first thought was my 3 children and hubby. That is normal for a mother and wife. They are the hardest to let go.So I cried about it and even spoke to my children about it. As time goes by and as the months' events unfold, my thoughts evolved too.
I reflect back on my life. I have been the best teacher I know how. I taught the kids in school sincerely and does my part in my role in the school. I have no regrets.As a mother I have given the children the best I have and know. My friends said that I am doing too much but I just wanted to love them in all ways I know how.As I wife, I have kept up to my wedding wows. I place him above me and try to be the best wife possible supporting, protecting him, staying loyal. As a daughter-in-law, I certainly believe I have done the best. I had given her everything I could. My only regret is maybe I hadn't the chance to love my papa and mama as I should have as one died early and the other at a time when I didn't know how to love her.
With that in mind, I have no regrets. I had always reminded myself not to expect thanks and gratitude and in times of pain, I had used that mantra to stay afloat.I had placed my family above all and over me. If my child or children does not or do not feel the same way about me, I remind myself to accept it for it is between them and themselves and maybe God if they believe in one.If my husband do not keep his wows the way I expected him to do so, so be it. I tell myself that 30 years is a wee bit too late to complain or regret.To love and to protect, to detach oneself from one's family and go forth to start anew family is after all a choice with himself.I have always believe that if your other half is not what you expected him to be, there is only 2 ways to the problem that is accept him or walk out.Don't ever wait for him to change or to learn. That never happens.
Of late,I am reminded that all that I gave to my career has not gone to waste and to that, I am grateful.To my parents, maybe there might be an opportunity to fulfill my duties in the after world Otherwise all I could do for the moment is to say I love you two.
I doubt I would cry now if I am met with death now as I did several months back. My children have demonstrated different types of independence. Those who can will be ,he who choose his path has already does.It is a feeling of having walked my path the way to my satisfaction. I lived my life well.I had no regrets and what else would one crave for other than these serene thoughts. What remains is the constant reminder that I should live each day the way I felt best.After all in the end who loves you best other than yourself.
Let's first look at my health. I guess I am at the age that all kinds of weird complains creeps in. I can blame it on menopause, old age but none the less, they are real. First I was told that cancer might be the reason for my menses problem. Then I discover a growth that is yet to be identified. My palpitations is close to my heart in more ways than one. So the next thought will be death. Couple with the death of friends ' parents due to old age and critical illness., I am once again thrown into the cubicle of morbid thoughts.
When I first thought of the prospect of death,my first thought was my 3 children and hubby. That is normal for a mother and wife. They are the hardest to let go.So I cried about it and even spoke to my children about it. As time goes by and as the months' events unfold, my thoughts evolved too.
I reflect back on my life. I have been the best teacher I know how. I taught the kids in school sincerely and does my part in my role in the school. I have no regrets.As a mother I have given the children the best I have and know. My friends said that I am doing too much but I just wanted to love them in all ways I know how.As I wife, I have kept up to my wedding wows. I place him above me and try to be the best wife possible supporting, protecting him, staying loyal. As a daughter-in-law, I certainly believe I have done the best. I had given her everything I could. My only regret is maybe I hadn't the chance to love my papa and mama as I should have as one died early and the other at a time when I didn't know how to love her.
With that in mind, I have no regrets. I had always reminded myself not to expect thanks and gratitude and in times of pain, I had used that mantra to stay afloat.I had placed my family above all and over me. If my child or children does not or do not feel the same way about me, I remind myself to accept it for it is between them and themselves and maybe God if they believe in one.If my husband do not keep his wows the way I expected him to do so, so be it. I tell myself that 30 years is a wee bit too late to complain or regret.To love and to protect, to detach oneself from one's family and go forth to start anew family is after all a choice with himself.I have always believe that if your other half is not what you expected him to be, there is only 2 ways to the problem that is accept him or walk out.Don't ever wait for him to change or to learn. That never happens.
Of late,I am reminded that all that I gave to my career has not gone to waste and to that, I am grateful.To my parents, maybe there might be an opportunity to fulfill my duties in the after world Otherwise all I could do for the moment is to say I love you two.
I doubt I would cry now if I am met with death now as I did several months back. My children have demonstrated different types of independence. Those who can will be ,he who choose his path has already does.It is a feeling of having walked my path the way to my satisfaction. I lived my life well.I had no regrets and what else would one crave for other than these serene thoughts. What remains is the constant reminder that I should live each day the way I felt best.After all in the end who loves you best other than yourself.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Reunions and Meetings
Had been a good month meeting up with old friends and connecting with exstudents.
J is back from Texas on personal reasons .Got her connected with her exAssuntarians. Though I am not one, I am surrounded by them by virtue of Sixth form class. We had 2 sessions and it was good because as usual all those here in Malaysia needed an outside reason (in this case an Texas friend who will only be here on limited duration) to meet up.
And this too is the same with our gang of exteachers from BB.This time though we didn't talk of school but more on health and retirement plans. We had a good laugh thinking of hooking on facebook and buying retirement homes in the same area so that we can spend time together.Health also becomes a common topic an we are all over 50s. Comparing notes on magic stones, lumps,Reiki treatment, health plans, insurance and whatever else. Children are never missed out too, comparing them to us when we were their age. Alas, the generation ideals changed so much.
I also met up with some ex students on a one to one basis. Was good to to find out their latest activities with their life and treated like a VIP.
I have a few more catching up to attend before the Chinese New Year. One with my HEMs group and a couple more with students who were sincerely trying to buy me a meal or two. A little paisei but well, maybe is the time to enjoy the fruit of my labour.
J is back from Texas on personal reasons .Got her connected with her exAssuntarians. Though I am not one, I am surrounded by them by virtue of Sixth form class. We had 2 sessions and it was good because as usual all those here in Malaysia needed an outside reason (in this case an Texas friend who will only be here on limited duration) to meet up.
And this too is the same with our gang of exteachers from BB.This time though we didn't talk of school but more on health and retirement plans. We had a good laugh thinking of hooking on facebook and buying retirement homes in the same area so that we can spend time together.Health also becomes a common topic an we are all over 50s. Comparing notes on magic stones, lumps,Reiki treatment, health plans, insurance and whatever else. Children are never missed out too, comparing them to us when we were their age. Alas, the generation ideals changed so much.
I also met up with some ex students on a one to one basis. Was good to to find out their latest activities with their life and treated like a VIP.
I have a few more catching up to attend before the Chinese New Year. One with my HEMs group and a couple more with students who were sincerely trying to buy me a meal or two. A little paisei but well, maybe is the time to enjoy the fruit of my labour.
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