A week ago, after coming back from mission meeting, I felt a lump at my left armpit. We were watching a drama show on my iPad and I don't know what made me touch it but the sensation ran chills down my spine.
What are my first thoughts? I thought of breast cancer. Terrible thoughts ran through my mind like a train. I admit I am a pessimist and I had been having end of life thoughts lately so I guess it didn't help. I wanted to ask my little doctor son but he was on call. I turn to my husband I could see the same kind of thoughts running thro his mind too. As such, I had to calm down and not let him see my fears. At least not at the depth I was feeling.
First thought was to do a mammogram at tdmc, the nearest and fastest solution.
Prayed hard that night. Had a restless night. Next morning a little calmer , we talk about spiritual attack and decided to wait for my son to talk it out. Daddy had earlier SMS him and he said what was expected.
Evening came, he came back and felt it, it wasn't the breast but my lymph node. But it is no consolation. The lump is still a lump.
From then on, all kind is thoughts has gone thro my head. Cancer, death, spiritual attack, what happens upon my death etc etc.
Last Monday it was discovered. Today on Monday again, it is no better but I am having other discomforts. Psychologically or otherwise I don't know.
Tomorrow is decision day to see uh doctor, mammogram or any other ideas. Disturbed.
