Been nearly 10 days away from the cyberspace.
So I finally got a second opinion and last week went for a diagnostic test. Had to be hospitalised and undergo general anaesthetic.After that, had been waiting patiently 8 days for the laboratory results. In the meantime, big sister did a good job of feeding me with confinement food. Au was a wonderful substitute mummy and ran the house with only my oral guidance.
On the bed having minimum movement make one do a lot of reflections.
On doctors.
It is so sad that he is a typical male, old man, mercenary and egoistic.But he has good points too so I just had to grin and go along with his mannerism.What is it with these old doctors ? Someone need to insist on them going for an hour talk on people relationship. Well, at least this one didn't sound like it is terminal for me. As a matter of fact, didn't even want to mention the word cancer.And he reassure that for every problem there is a solution. So I guess one can't have everything!That brings to mind the sad state of patients who can only afford Government aided hospital. From no-choice-cancer-patient to no-worry-we-have-a solution-to-everything. What a difference. and What a price difference too: free to RM3500 (to date)that's reality for you.
On hospital
Please please please don't encourage hospital PR officers to call 'just to have a courtesy call'. I had one and 2 reminders for my appointment. And imagine the stress I felt each time I answer a call that say, 'hello ,I am from hospital -----' You can hear my heartbeat !Don't they know that they represent bad news! It is like getting a phone calls from the mortuary!On the other hand, they are trying to make a difference but not a very good one only.
On siblings
My late mother should be proud to know that in giving us 5 siblings each, she has actually inculcated in us care for each other when the time arises.Every time without fail, in times of need, we are always there for each other (on the other hand during happier times, we might not even see each other for maybe years!)For the next generation, siblings are less,hopefully cousins get closer.I for one, couldn't see my nieces and nephews as nothing but next to my own.Thank you to my dear dear brothers and sister for the care and concern you shown for the past 2 weeks.
My children and hubby
These 10 days help me to realise a lot about them.About accepting them, and the character they represent.Loving them without reservations. Realising that they are independent for their age and should I have to leave, they will survive.
Now that cancer is not in the list, it is time to take those expensive medication for improved health. With God's grace, I should be much better in 6 months time to do more things
Thank you Lord for loving me and showering me with all the blessings.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thoughts
The past one week has been a week of happenings.helping a friend by coaching her daughter for a few hours (doing something I still love), going to a private institute to give my comments on a discipline module set up (this brought back a lot memories of my last 5 years in the service, doing something I was passionate about yet no regrets taking early retirement), hearing my doctor giving some very disturbing news concerning my health, being there for LL's wedding, and meeting up with the family members including cousins(bringing back a lot of memories while analysing family setups).
In the family front, went through the EOS exam for Au and mid term papers for Ed. Although I need not worry about their attitudes and sense of responsibilities, I couldn't stop being a mum so I too 'sat through' both the exams.Next, certain comments and actions o'f his' and then 'hers' got me rather disturbed making me upset.
Lastly yesterday the children celebrated a belated mother's day with we with a breakfast in bed, spending a fun day out as a family ending with a lovely dinner with my sister and brother and their spouses.
Right now, sitting on my bed listening to the murmurs of the night, all kind of thoughts goes through the little brain of mind. Thoughts of the different types of love we have, counting my blessings,wondering what the future holds both near and far.It is times like this that I need took a leaf out of Ed's method of saying a prayer closing one's eyes and then just walking straight.
Good night. God Bless.
In the family front, went through the EOS exam for Au and mid term papers for Ed. Although I need not worry about their attitudes and sense of responsibilities, I couldn't stop being a mum so I too 'sat through' both the exams.Next, certain comments and actions o'f his' and then 'hers' got me rather disturbed making me upset.
Lastly yesterday the children celebrated a belated mother's day with we with a breakfast in bed, spending a fun day out as a family ending with a lovely dinner with my sister and brother and their spouses.
Right now, sitting on my bed listening to the murmurs of the night, all kind of thoughts goes through the little brain of mind. Thoughts of the different types of love we have, counting my blessings,wondering what the future holds both near and far.It is times like this that I need took a leaf out of Ed's method of saying a prayer closing one's eyes and then just walking straight.
Good night. God Bless.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Our Daily Bread .......... today's msg
"Not ours to know the reason why
Unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear. —Anon.
God’s timing is always perfect."
I pray
Unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time
To lift the cross we bear. —Anon.
God’s timing is always perfect."
I pray
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
What would you do?
What goes through your head when you are told that you need an operation and that the big 'C' is a possibility?
Well the first half an hour your mind will not be thinking much because you need the time to absorb the news. How true is it and does it have any link to other ailments that you have been having.Then you start thinking why it came to that stage especially when you have never thought of it as a solution. Then you wonder why doctors never break this kind of news gently instead of just saying, well that is the only way out , don't think too long and I am sorry but that's that ....all in the same sentence and same number of words.
Next you begin to think what if the worst scenario comes true. That is normally after 2 hours.Then you wonder if you are ready to face it, You start asking yourself what you need to do , what are the thinks you have not completed, what you should say and to who. With today's technology you can always prepare all the speeches you want to make for the next 30 years and save it up in the computer. Wonderful isn't it?
Then you wonder who to talk to about it. You then realise that a lot of people came under the category of.... don't want them to know, would not react even if you tell them, will panic you further, will not have the time to pacify you and that makes you even more mad and lastly don't need them to know. In the end you most probably be telling the passer you meet or the odd guy you bump into on the way home.
Next you try to count your blessings that it may have been worst if it had happened 15 years ago. But still no body is ever ready to just go. Face it, short of ending severe pain, who would want to go.
A few hours later then you decide that It is your life, it is your operation so you better start thinking positively about it. Getting a second opinion, do you want to go through with it, what are the risks involved, where would you want to do it, what other professionally opinion are you seeking.
Then you start thinking may be there is a God and that tonight He is going to perform a miracle and all will be fine tomorrow morning. And then you know it is time to stop thinking .
Well the first half an hour your mind will not be thinking much because you need the time to absorb the news. How true is it and does it have any link to other ailments that you have been having.Then you start thinking why it came to that stage especially when you have never thought of it as a solution. Then you wonder why doctors never break this kind of news gently instead of just saying, well that is the only way out , don't think too long and I am sorry but that's that ....all in the same sentence and same number of words.
Next you begin to think what if the worst scenario comes true. That is normally after 2 hours.Then you wonder if you are ready to face it, You start asking yourself what you need to do , what are the thinks you have not completed, what you should say and to who. With today's technology you can always prepare all the speeches you want to make for the next 30 years and save it up in the computer. Wonderful isn't it?
Then you wonder who to talk to about it. You then realise that a lot of people came under the category of.... don't want them to know, would not react even if you tell them, will panic you further, will not have the time to pacify you and that makes you even more mad and lastly don't need them to know. In the end you most probably be telling the passer you meet or the odd guy you bump into on the way home.
Next you try to count your blessings that it may have been worst if it had happened 15 years ago. But still no body is ever ready to just go. Face it, short of ending severe pain, who would want to go.
A few hours later then you decide that It is your life, it is your operation so you better start thinking positively about it. Getting a second opinion, do you want to go through with it, what are the risks involved, where would you want to do it, what other professionally opinion are you seeking.
Then you start thinking may be there is a God and that tonight He is going to perform a miracle and all will be fine tomorrow morning. And then you know it is time to stop thinking .
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thinking, Reflecting and Wondering
Periodically I get a shock. Of late I thought that was over. In the dizzy state of the antibiotic influence unable to sleep deep in the night, it suddenly dawn into me that it isn't gone it has just metamorphosised itself. (just like the swine flu virus maybe).
Those were the days when it was more 'physical'. Nowadays it is more of people and places.
When or will it ever end?Will it end before I go? Should I take precautions if the answer is no?
ps The blog name did say my thoughts and I do get all kinds of thoughts.I am no member of an assylum so I can't be happy only happy thoughts.
Those were the days when it was more 'physical'. Nowadays it is more of people and places.
When or will it ever end?Will it end before I go? Should I take precautions if the answer is no?
ps The blog name did say my thoughts and I do get all kinds of thoughts.I am no member of an assylum so I can't be happy only happy thoughts.
personalised upsidedown apple orange cake
Last weekend was trying to come up with a cake that doesn't look 'dark' since the kids are havingt exam and can't afford to be sick. Trying to think of somethining different, short of time (need to get cake baked within 2 hours) plus the brain was abit groggy since my throat and teeth wasn't feeling too well.
Decided to use sliced apple as a base sprinkled with brown sugar to give it a brown look when turn upside down. Then the stingy part of me decided to use plain cake paper since greased proof paper are more expensive, to line the bottom to ease turning over. Next the cake. Didn't want to use plain pound cake since it is so 'plain'. Saw the recipe for orange cake so proceeded to use that recipe. Three quartered way thro creaming with eggs added, decided the cake is too small to cover cake tin so decided to multiply everything by 5/3. (ok,ok I know I am a maths person but actually the reason was because I wanted to use 250 g of butter instead of the original 150 g) In the process everything was slowed down by another 20 minutes and I added extra sugar. (fingers crossed from then on). Cut the story short, got the cake done in the last 5 minutes and when it was turned over, Au and daddy had trouble peeling off the paper. ; p
Comments. Good very nice not that sweet from the fussy no sweet happy garden residents ; p phew, good from the kids. Ad the no-cake-eater too a slice for breakfast on Sunday and the cake was gonethis morning.
Conclusion oklah, can bake it again with a few changes. Use 3 apples, season with salt/lemon juice. Add cinammon to apples, no saving cake paper and measure right amount of sugar. And not forgetting start abit earlier. Last but not least cut a piece for myself before it is gone!
Decided to use sliced apple as a base sprinkled with brown sugar to give it a brown look when turn upside down. Then the stingy part of me decided to use plain cake paper since greased proof paper are more expensive, to line the bottom to ease turning over. Next the cake. Didn't want to use plain pound cake since it is so 'plain'. Saw the recipe for orange cake so proceeded to use that recipe. Three quartered way thro creaming with eggs added, decided the cake is too small to cover cake tin so decided to multiply everything by 5/3. (ok,ok I know I am a maths person but actually the reason was because I wanted to use 250 g of butter instead of the original 150 g) In the process everything was slowed down by another 20 minutes and I added extra sugar. (fingers crossed from then on). Cut the story short, got the cake done in the last 5 minutes and when it was turned over, Au and daddy had trouble peeling off the paper. ; p
Comments. Good very nice not that sweet from the fussy no sweet happy garden residents ; p phew, good from the kids. Ad the no-cake-eater too a slice for breakfast on Sunday and the cake was gonethis morning.
Conclusion oklah, can bake it again with a few changes. Use 3 apples, season with salt/lemon juice. Add cinammon to apples, no saving cake paper and measure right amount of sugar. And not forgetting start abit earlier. Last but not least cut a piece for myself before it is gone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)