Am I strong? Me? Strong? No I am not strong. I am not brave. But there are times I need to be strong for others. Sometimes I need to appear strong. But given the choice, no, I don't want to be strong. I prefer to be weak. I want to lean back and rest on others. I want to rest in Him.It is much more comforting.
Some many things over the last month. I lean on Him and I pray that others that I care for can learn to do so too. But Lord, they haven't come to know you but I still would like to pray that they will have Your grace like the way I did.
May the family go through this period together and built up their strength. May they learn to love each other and develop a stronger bond .
May they find peace as they stand for each other. In Jesus mighty name I pray.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
mother and daughter
As I see my daughter, I reflected back myself in that role.
There is a 42 years gap with my mum and a 30 years gap with my girl.
What kind of relationship I had with her? She was my mum, I lived with her my whole life until I got married and that is a solid 26 years. She shared a lot; I guess I was the only one around with my dad being the typical man who don't say much and my other siblings were not with us. Unfortunately I can't remember many positive but nevertheless I was the listening ear. She was everything to me because I was separated from my only sister since I was 7. I can't remember any conversations with my brothers.(at least none casual, ones. If ever they were any, it was serious big brother to small sister talk)
Over the years, her happiness became my happiness, her pain became my pain, her hurt is my hurt. I would be upset with those who upset her. Maybe I don't have the maturity nor the exposure or skill to talk to her. Maybe it was blind loyalty and love.
Pondering back, if the gap had been smaller, could I have been a better daughter.Saying the right things, using the right word, doing different things.
Coming back to the present, I definitely would not want to pain, hurt or sadden my three children.But in the next instance, I wonder if it would hasten their 'growing up' as it had done to me? So what should it be?
What are the similarities and differences in this dual mother-daughter relationship? 'Daughter' because I was one and I can't speak for sons. I am a mother to sons but never a son.Then again after 30 years what are the norms today? Of course I am a very different mother from my mother but then the basic love and care is still the same.In many ways, I still hold on to her beliefs and way of life.Question is those I hold on to, which if any should be changed?
As a mother today, I have to remind myself the history when my children are concerned. The questions and the flashbacks never end. The answers ................ well, I seriously don't know. I have better in sights as to why my mother was what she was.I now know how they came about. I also know why my children reacted the way they did.
Monday, October 15, 2012
A Friend
Three decades ago, you drop into our pathway as a friend, a colleague. It was no grand entrance and I never guess that you are still in our path today.
You struck me as a physically strong guy with a golden heart. You believed in helping and not expecting anything in return. You said your sifu thought you that. What a lesson.
We needed your healing ways and you just gave. Without a blink of an eye.
We parted ways but because of our geographical locations, we still cross path once a while
Then one day while I was in my deepest of sadness, I saw you. And you told me you had Parkinson. In the same breadth you reminded me to take care of my other half's health. Wow, then it kick me out of my rut to think that there is a world outside my misery and there are others in bad spots too.
Today 5 years later, we learn that you are many steps nearer to you last days. The amazing thing about you is that in your situation, you can still have thoughts on our health giving us fatherly advice insisting that we don't take our health casually. Just as unassuming as those days.
Until now in your frail condition, you don't fail to ask about others. You really struck me as a special man. You do not dwell in your misery and condition. No lamentations. NO exasperating thoughts over your financial situation even though it left much to be desired. Over and above, you still do not expect, you still can care for others.
May God bless you. May He pour His grace upon you though you do not know Him.
Thank you for showing me that we can be strong in the worst of time and we can still be a beacon of light when all is dark around ourselves. You are definitely a fine example to emulate
You struck me as a physically strong guy with a golden heart. You believed in helping and not expecting anything in return. You said your sifu thought you that. What a lesson.
We needed your healing ways and you just gave. Without a blink of an eye.
We parted ways but because of our geographical locations, we still cross path once a while
Then one day while I was in my deepest of sadness, I saw you. And you told me you had Parkinson. In the same breadth you reminded me to take care of my other half's health. Wow, then it kick me out of my rut to think that there is a world outside my misery and there are others in bad spots too.
Today 5 years later, we learn that you are many steps nearer to you last days. The amazing thing about you is that in your situation, you can still have thoughts on our health giving us fatherly advice insisting that we don't take our health casually. Just as unassuming as those days.
Until now in your frail condition, you don't fail to ask about others. You really struck me as a special man. You do not dwell in your misery and condition. No lamentations. NO exasperating thoughts over your financial situation even though it left much to be desired. Over and above, you still do not expect, you still can care for others.
May God bless you. May He pour His grace upon you though you do not know Him.
Thank you for showing me that we can be strong in the worst of time and we can still be a beacon of light when all is dark around ourselves. You are definitely a fine example to emulate
Sunday, October 14, 2012
For you in my prayer
It is sad that you had to undergo the pain but believe me, ours is just as bad if not worse.
The difference is how we handle the pain. You prefer to ignore it, deny it exist and you clearly try to walk away from it.
As for me, yes the initial impact was bad. If you had felt the way you did, just imagine it around 10 fold. The shiver down the spine, the cold sweat. But I had to steady myself as fast as I can. I try to recover as fast as I can. I stood still and think fast what I need to do and how to react.
After I prayed, I know I had to steady the other half that is just as badly struck as me. I had to make sure I am steady and be the rock for him to lean on. I need to support him in places where he lacks. He may be stronger in many ways but these type of experience, I think I have more than him. The pain, the fear, the hopelessness.
I next know that I have to face the problem.More important to help him come to terms with the situation.I have to hold him up, help him see the response he need to make, and stood by him as he does it.
In places when I cannot help physically, I prayed and prayed while he does the needful.
That is the main difference between you and me. I have my faith Over the last few years, my faith has grown leaps and bounds.I fall back on Him.and I surrender all to Him
I next have to look into others that are implicated. That is something you need not do.I have to make sure they are standing upright and do not go into despair. I also need to mediate between all involved
A few days later, I know I need to do more to glue things together. So I divert mine and his attention. I involved myself with other more productive activities like baking and cleaning. It doesn't make the problem go away and it doesn't solve the problem but at least we have some rest from it and these activities bring a smile on others.
I do not run away, I face it upfront and I make sure I do any small thing that is required to help however small it may be like clicking a 'like' and typing a letter.
We talk it out when we feel bad. I make him talk about it so that it does not congest him.I know I cannot afford to have him falling.
You need to face it, help her to face it and help her stand up.
Sometimes when you face it and get involved in it, you also learn. You get to see how others handle it. You see the ups and of course the downs too. But the important thing is, you will not feel alone and you know that many are fighting it.You begin to understand the term 'support group' You also then see that you are not the worst and you learn to care and love more.
I am blessed because I know my God will not give me anything I can't handle. I also know He is in the know and He is there to watch over the whole episode. I also have faith that whatever the outcome, it is His will and He has greater plans that I can't see but completely trust in Him. I pray that you will come to know these words and I pray you will allow His grace to flow into your life too in due time.
The difference is how we handle the pain. You prefer to ignore it, deny it exist and you clearly try to walk away from it.
As for me, yes the initial impact was bad. If you had felt the way you did, just imagine it around 10 fold. The shiver down the spine, the cold sweat. But I had to steady myself as fast as I can. I try to recover as fast as I can. I stood still and think fast what I need to do and how to react.
After I prayed, I know I had to steady the other half that is just as badly struck as me. I had to make sure I am steady and be the rock for him to lean on. I need to support him in places where he lacks. He may be stronger in many ways but these type of experience, I think I have more than him. The pain, the fear, the hopelessness.
I next know that I have to face the problem.More important to help him come to terms with the situation.I have to hold him up, help him see the response he need to make, and stood by him as he does it.
In places when I cannot help physically, I prayed and prayed while he does the needful.
That is the main difference between you and me. I have my faith Over the last few years, my faith has grown leaps and bounds.I fall back on Him.and I surrender all to Him
I next have to look into others that are implicated. That is something you need not do.I have to make sure they are standing upright and do not go into despair. I also need to mediate between all involved
A few days later, I know I need to do more to glue things together. So I divert mine and his attention. I involved myself with other more productive activities like baking and cleaning. It doesn't make the problem go away and it doesn't solve the problem but at least we have some rest from it and these activities bring a smile on others.
I do not run away, I face it upfront and I make sure I do any small thing that is required to help however small it may be like clicking a 'like' and typing a letter.
We talk it out when we feel bad. I make him talk about it so that it does not congest him.I know I cannot afford to have him falling.
You need to face it, help her to face it and help her stand up.
Sometimes when you face it and get involved in it, you also learn. You get to see how others handle it. You see the ups and of course the downs too. But the important thing is, you will not feel alone and you know that many are fighting it.You begin to understand the term 'support group' You also then see that you are not the worst and you learn to care and love more.
I am blessed because I know my God will not give me anything I can't handle. I also know He is in the know and He is there to watch over the whole episode. I also have faith that whatever the outcome, it is His will and He has greater plans that I can't see but completely trust in Him. I pray that you will come to know these words and I pray you will allow His grace to flow into your life too in due time.
What troubles me about 'Christians'
an air of arrogance
yes, my Lord said to boast but I felt that there is a thin line between proud and arrogance
complacent
when there is so much for us to show the world how He has made us better people
overconfidence
yes He will provide but how about being thankful
that they have God behind them so they can do anything and they are above others
I prefer humility
T o be fair, not all are like that but I am always sadden when I see my brothers and sisters in Christ like that.
The worst thing that can happen when someone says if being Christians is like that, they are glad they are not.
yes, my Lord said to boast but I felt that there is a thin line between proud and arrogance
complacent
when there is so much for us to show the world how He has made us better people
overconfidence
yes He will provide but how about being thankful
that they have God behind them so they can do anything and they are above others
I prefer humility
T o be fair, not all are like that but I am always sadden when I see my brothers and sisters in Christ like that.
The worst thing that can happen when someone says if being Christians is like that, they are glad they are not.
What they meant to me
going to church :
reminding myself what my faith is all about. to be in the company of people with the same faith. Later hoping it will be a place of service and knowledge gaining
worshiping through songs :
expressing my gladness that He is there. talking to Him in a melodious way.
clap offering :
something not in bible but again it is an expression of thankfulness
tithes :
saying thanks by giving back what He gave me first.Praying that it will be used the right way by those in authority
praying :
Talking to Him. communicating with Him, telling Him my innermost thoughts
bible reading :
learning more about Him, allowing Him to speak to me
speaking in tongues :
praying when I am at a lost on what to say but still want to talk to Him
being a christian :
knowing Him and how He died for me. living a life as He would want me to do so. Surrendering all to Him
reminding myself what my faith is all about. to be in the company of people with the same faith. Later hoping it will be a place of service and knowledge gaining
worshiping through songs :
expressing my gladness that He is there. talking to Him in a melodious way.
clap offering :
something not in bible but again it is an expression of thankfulness
tithes :
saying thanks by giving back what He gave me first.Praying that it will be used the right way by those in authority
praying :
Talking to Him. communicating with Him, telling Him my innermost thoughts
bible reading :
learning more about Him, allowing Him to speak to me
speaking in tongues :
praying when I am at a lost on what to say but still want to talk to Him
being a christian :
knowing Him and how He died for me. living a life as He would want me to do so. Surrendering all to Him
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Frightening
I have been reading two special facebook pages. In it I see a lot in people. and from it, a lot of emotions surfaced.
Angry that it happened
Scared at what it will implicate.
Worried for those involved
Uncertain because of the size of the entity
Lost because there is really nothing much that one can do
Impatient at when will it end or if it would end
Concern for those I love
Brave to stand by those I care for
Supportive when others falls
Being there when it matters
Then I see things into the picture
I see
coming together for a common cause
leaders coming up
unity overcoming race and religion
strength in numbers
people's sympathy and empathy
denial in some
panic in others as the days go by
the anguish and pain in those in desperation
Lastly the feeling of shocked at some people
reaction. The happiness and glee they feel on the whole episode!
I know we don't expect sympathy and empathy BUT glee?
I opened some of their facebook and more shocking they are young people in their teens and twenties.
OMG are we raising a generation of young people who are like animals(thank God the number is small, or at least what I saw after all the deleting done by the administrators)
It is frightening, believe me, it is.
Imagine them as leaders in business corporation and high places!
Angry that it happened
Scared at what it will implicate.
Worried for those involved
Uncertain because of the size of the entity
Lost because there is really nothing much that one can do
Impatient at when will it end or if it would end
Concern for those I love
Brave to stand by those I care for
Supportive when others falls
Being there when it matters
Then I see things into the picture
I see
coming together for a common cause
leaders coming up
unity overcoming race and religion
strength in numbers
people's sympathy and empathy
denial in some
panic in others as the days go by
the anguish and pain in those in desperation
Lastly the feeling of shocked at some people
reaction. The happiness and glee they feel on the whole episode!
I know we don't expect sympathy and empathy BUT glee?
I opened some of their facebook and more shocking they are young people in their teens and twenties.
OMG are we raising a generation of young people who are like animals(thank God the number is small, or at least what I saw after all the deleting done by the administrators)
It is frightening, believe me, it is.
Imagine them as leaders in business corporation and high places!
facebook Vs blogging
Wow a long time since I last wrote and again not because there were nothing to write about but just too much that has been ranting at the head but the hand is not typing.
Due to events in the last 2 weeks, my thoughts on my faith has also gone on full gear. Has many a time wanted to comment on facebook but realised that facebook is a social page where everyone sees it every time they open it whether they want to read it or not. Whereas here is reached only if the reader wants to open it. So those who are offended or are not interested or comfortable with who I am need not see it at all. Bottom line, I can share the 'inside' me here whereas facebook will see my social surface.
Due to events in the last 2 weeks, my thoughts on my faith has also gone on full gear. Has many a time wanted to comment on facebook but realised that facebook is a social page where everyone sees it every time they open it whether they want to read it or not. Whereas here is reached only if the reader wants to open it. So those who are offended or are not interested or comfortable with who I am need not see it at all. Bottom line, I can share the 'inside' me here whereas facebook will see my social surface.
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