A Bad Dream Continuing

It is like the continuing of a bad dream. Three siblings hospitalized in three different hospitals all in a short span of three weeks. Today nearly make the fourth disaster. Lucky the allergy was discovered early.

I thought it shouldn't affect me that much.  Obviously I was wrong. They do matter to me. It don't matter what we went through and how much I tell myself. there is a part of me that is aligned to them.It is not that easy to say they are they and I am I. How can I not care when there are those closed to my heart who are not at peace. How can I not get involved when there are things I could do.

On the early hours of my birthday, an intruder came in and took the family's shoes. The monetary lost is not much but the fact that the shoes were stolen couldn't leave my mind. My eldest boy even gave me his hard earn one month's OT to compensate and to get a new pair of shoes. It actually make the lose even more painful knowing his dollars and sens are not easy earn.His sleepless nights and heavy toil in exchange for something a man just walk in and took as if it was due to him. I could only hope he was desperate to feed his children and clothe them during deepavali.

I prayed and prayed. I know He knows. He has been silent. Your will, not mine.
I just pray that Your test will end soon. I yearn for some peace.

My Dream

A house by the lakeside.
The water in the lake clear and clean.
.The cool wind blows and I don't need a fan. Of course toilet facilities and basic amenities are available.
The air is filled with the tweeting of the birds and the sound of water swishing nearby
Three meals a day of simple food. My bible to keep me company. Next to me is my husband with his bible.
Some potted plants for decoration and some fruit trees.
My Dream

Job

The waves has been coming one after another since 1st Oct. I can only think of Job.
Am I suppose to be thankful there isn't a tsunami and that they are coming one by one and not all at once?
I am tired Lord.
But I will keep my faith. That much I know I will.

facebook

Is facebooking bad?. Is Internet destructive for the family and social life?

An excess of anything is bad. My son reads so much that punishment includes taking away his books. Another son is so dedicated to his work that he has to be scolded by his friends and bosses.
Similarly too much time spend on the Internet will definitely disrupt and has a negative impact.

Otherwise...........
Through facebook

I got to meet up with friends from yesteryear as far back as 40 years
I manage to update my children not residing with me the happenings of home
It alerts me which of my friends needs an encouraging word or just a smile.
I get to know that they are well We sometimes just need to know that others are OK without the need of spending hours on the phone and drafting  a polite letter
I am exposed to others' interest like the types of cars, the beauty of flowers, charity works and inspiring quotations.
I am perked up when I sees a cheery hello to the world or someones jokes.
I get to share the joy of my friends as they travel or celebrate birth and anniversaries not forgetting the grief and sadness when they lose someone.
I can get connected to support groups for various happenings
I get updated with my friends as I let them get to know me too.

So facebook is not bad but if we got our priorities wrong at dinners and social function, frisking thro' it while others are around, then it is bad

For Him

I thought that I would not be affected.
I thought I could just be calm and indifferent.

But I can't.
I can't help thinking about it.
I can't helping recalling
I can't help being sad
just sad.

May the grace of God be with him and his family.
May the good Lord touch them even as they are not His children.
In Jesus mighty name, I pray

Me Strong?

Am I strong? Me? Strong? No I am not strong. I am not brave. But there are times I need to be strong for others. Sometimes I need to appear strong. But given the choice, no, I don't want to be strong. I prefer to be weak. I want to lean back and rest on others. I want to rest in Him.It is much more comforting.

Some many things over the last month. I lean on Him and I pray that others that I care for can learn to do so too. But Lord, they haven't come to know you but I still would like to pray that they will have Your grace like the way I did.

May the family go through this period together and built up their strength. May they learn to love each other and develop a stronger bond .

May they find peace as they stand for each other. In Jesus mighty name I pray.

mother and daughter

As  I see my daughter, I reflected back myself in that role.

There is a 42 years gap with my mum and a 30 years gap with my girl.

What kind of relationship I had with her? She was my mum, I lived with her my whole life until I got married and that is a solid 26 years. She shared a lot; I guess I was the only one around with my dad being the typical man who don't say much and my other siblings were not with us. Unfortunately I can't remember many positive but nevertheless I was the listening ear. She was everything to me because I was separated from my only sister since I was 7. I can't remember any conversations with my brothers.(at least none casual,  ones. If ever they were any, it was serious big brother to small sister talk)

Over the years, her happiness became my happiness, her pain became my pain, her hurt is my hurt. I would be upset with those who upset her. Maybe I  don't have the maturity nor the exposure or skill to talk to her. Maybe it was blind loyalty and love.

Pondering back, if the gap had been smaller, could I have been a better daughter.Saying the right things, using the right word, doing different things.

Coming back to the present, I definitely would not want to pain, hurt or sadden my three children.But in the next instance, I wonder if it would hasten their 'growing up' as it had done to me? So what should it be?

What are the similarities and differences in this dual mother-daughter relationship? 'Daughter' because I was one and I can't speak for sons. I am a mother to sons but never a son.Then again after 30 years what are the norms today? Of course I am a very different mother from my mother but then the basic love and care is still the same.In many ways, I still hold on to her beliefs and way of life.Question is those I hold on to, which if any should be changed?

As a mother today, I have to remind myself the history when my children are concerned. The questions and the flashbacks never end. The answers ................ well, I seriously don't know. I have better in sights as to why my mother was what she was.I now know how they came about. I also know why my children reacted the way they did.