when I hear of me I chee dying, I have deep fear. Fear of being like her, fear of my cancer spreading. I start to feel a foment discomfort thinking of bone cancer and stomach cancer. Then I look at my hand and the swelling wondering if it will ever end. I feel lousy. Fearful, depressed.i Brooke down.
I pray and I pray. I pray that God hear me, see my fear, heal me.
I next tell Him I don't want to die. I ask fOr 10 more years. He gave so many others so many years can he give me just 10 years. Then you realise it is individual what he gave others has nothing to do with what he will give me. I feel down and down. I am not even telling my family about nothing.
I pray and I pray. Then I look at the way my husband and my sons are loving me. What they have gone through the last six months. Nursing me, driving me at least once a week to hospital. The physical strain my husband went through. The emotional of sadness but giving me a positive look to boost me up. It has to be tiring for him.physically and emotional.
Ed has to postpone his career movement, go through leave plans and changing working schedule, rushing in and out. How he purchase anything that he think wills contribute to my wellbeing, hats, machines, how to tie scarves
Adrian has grown up a lot, helping in all the ways he can. Being home as much as possible.
Tes the family has gone through a lot. If God wants to take me, maybe it is because the family needs a relieve. I thank them for all the love. I am at peace. It is ok. Pray Lord to make it peaceful and not painful
Thank you Lord for this family.thank you Lord for the grace
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