mother and daughter

As  I see my daughter, I reflected back myself in that role.

There is a 42 years gap with my mum and a 30 years gap with my girl.

What kind of relationship I had with her? She was my mum, I lived with her my whole life until I got married and that is a solid 26 years. She shared a lot; I guess I was the only one around with my dad being the typical man who don't say much and my other siblings were not with us. Unfortunately I can't remember many positive but nevertheless I was the listening ear. She was everything to me because I was separated from my only sister since I was 7. I can't remember any conversations with my brothers.(at least none casual,  ones. If ever they were any, it was serious big brother to small sister talk)

Over the years, her happiness became my happiness, her pain became my pain, her hurt is my hurt. I would be upset with those who upset her. Maybe I  don't have the maturity nor the exposure or skill to talk to her. Maybe it was blind loyalty and love.

Pondering back, if the gap had been smaller, could I have been a better daughter.Saying the right things, using the right word, doing different things.

Coming back to the present, I definitely would not want to pain, hurt or sadden my three children.But in the next instance, I wonder if it would hasten their 'growing up' as it had done to me? So what should it be?

What are the similarities and differences in this dual mother-daughter relationship? 'Daughter' because I was one and I can't speak for sons. I am a mother to sons but never a son.Then again after 30 years what are the norms today? Of course I am a very different mother from my mother but then the basic love and care is still the same.In many ways, I still hold on to her beliefs and way of life.Question is those I hold on to, which if any should be changed?

As a mother today, I have to remind myself the history when my children are concerned. The questions and the flashbacks never end. The answers ................ well, I seriously don't know. I have better in sights as to why my mother was what she was.I now know how they came about. I also know why my children reacted the way they did.