Remembering the days when I was young (my earliest memories of childhood), when ever I am not happy, I would sit alone with my toy or just a book. Either that or I will do something physically to exhaust myself.
This went on into my teens. Then TV came into being.(Rather when my family could afford a TV) I would use it to numb myself and forget about my troubles. I still remembered when I was offered a place in the Technical College after my Form 3, I couldn't decide whether to accept it or not. My parents wanted me there but my brother who was from there did not want me there. I have no idea why though. My dad took me there to see the place hoping that it would prompt me to say yes. The only guy I met there did not see why a girl would want to be there. In short I was so undecided so I just sat in front of the TV and numb myself with the shows. I remembered my dad was so mad with me assuming I just didn't bother to care or think.
Later in life, when I missed my dad after his death, I used to write a lot. Poems, letters to him or just words depicting my thoughts and feelings. Of course, they had no readers.
When trouble brew in my twenties, I continue to write.
After I got married, I guess I had no time to be troubled because, the job was challenging and being a wife and mother did not give one much time to even stop and think; what more feel.
In between, the saddest part of my life in my thirties was when I lost my mother.I won't say we were the best of pals or that we had the loveliest of relationship but her death affected me a lot. She was very important to me and in a way, I was deeply affected by her feelings, and her very existence. In short, e were close. After her funeral, I used to just sit down and let my tears roll for a long time without crying or sobbing out loud.
Later on I would learn to talk my feelings out with others but looking back, I wonder if it was wise.You will never know how so called friends could use certain knowledge for their own benefit or just give you an odd stare.Sometimes the closest of people don't know how to react and that make me more exasperated.
Much later in life as I reach middle age, I began to see the benefits of walking. When I was troubled, I would think things out with myself and I found walking very refreshing. I would just walk and walk and walk in the out door garden near my house. The trouble will become clearer and the 'worry' energy is channelled out. Maybe stress was reduced too.
Today, I use a combination of writing, physical workout, TV and just being in solitude when I am troubled. I find all these therapeutic. I seldom talked it out but I prayed a lot. So I guess I only talk with Him.
As I enter into the next phase of life and towards my end, will I stay quiet and walk into the sunset?
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