Chinese new year start with the cleaning up, the baking and the cooking.It climax when second son is back and the series of reunions, makans and visits. It run over with the young ones going back to work.
To me, it has been tiring but satisfying when the cookies turn out nice, the dishes well cooked,the family sitting together.It was good to met up with everyone while I still miss my girl in Glasgow.
Things should get back to normal and the next item on the agenda will be our visit to UK to see my daughter.
So how do I feel now?To tell the truth, the euphoria is over and I do not feel anything. I want to get back to my routine and I want to get back to my list of to-do.
Maybe church will perk me up again tomorrow
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
With Time and Repeats
One and half years,
three and a half years,
countless times
Is it better, is it less painful?
No
it is just the same, no different.
Will I ever overcome it
Will I ever get used to it,
Will my hart be hardened one day
No
I doubt it
It was my wish and my fantasy that with time
and with repeats, it will be better
Yes, it is just a wish
For now years later
I know now it will never get better
My heart is still the same,
my feeling will never change
No
time and repeats won't improve nor will it lessen the pain
So to accept and bear with it
three and a half years,
countless times
Is it better, is it less painful?
No
it is just the same, no different.
Will I ever overcome it
Will I ever get used to it,
Will my hart be hardened one day
No
I doubt it
It was my wish and my fantasy that with time
and with repeats, it will be better
Yes, it is just a wish
For now years later
I know now it will never get better
My heart is still the same,
my feeling will never change
No
time and repeats won't improve nor will it lessen the pain
So to accept and bear with it
Monday, January 23, 2012
Groundnuts cookies
Chinese new year favourite that melts in the mouth.
300 g of groundnuts, roasted and grounded fine
225 g of flour, sifted
200 g icing sugar
Oil to bind
Egg yolk to brush
Mix the first 3 ingredients well
use just enough oil so that a dough can be formed
Make little balls and shape it with a small indentation in the centre
Bake at 160 degree C till slightly brown
Recipe courtesy of a fellow teacher.Thanks Pin Sin
Sugar can be reduced and add a pinch of salt
300 g of groundnuts, roasted and grounded fine
225 g of flour, sifted
200 g icing sugar
Oil to bind
Egg yolk to brush
Mix the first 3 ingredients well
use just enough oil so that a dough can be formed
Make little balls and shape it with a small indentation in the centre
Bake at 160 degree C till slightly brown
Recipe courtesy of a fellow teacher.Thanks Pin Sin
Sugar can be reduced and add a pinch of salt
A matter of perspective
Many a time after church, we talk about what the message was about.Strangely, I find myself interpreting it differently. It gives me the thought that though the message is the same, we hear differently because He wants to tell us different things.Isn't it a miracle how He works things out?
As we were talking about the preparation of a joyous occasion tonight, it is funny too to see how different people view the preparation in so adverse different way. One feels that the cloth to be used need to be prepared months ahead and purchased oversea while another happily suggested recycling . While one feels that comfort is utmost, another feels that it is most important to make sure it match. In the end, I feel the occasion will come to pass and the overall atmosphere will be the same as long as we are happy doing what we feel at peace. We (includes me) can view a function with all the stress in the world or just sit back and enjoy the occasion.The path we take determines the aura we will radiate.How important is it that all things must fall into place with all the plan A,B and C ready? The most perfectly planned function will have it's flaws. The most unplanned occasion will still go on.As for me, looking back and reflecting, I would just like to do my best but still feel comfortable and not get stressed out.
As in all things I now believe we plan but He decides.Such a wonderful peaceful revelation to us who are His sons and daughters.
As we were talking about the preparation of a joyous occasion tonight, it is funny too to see how different people view the preparation in so adverse different way. One feels that the cloth to be used need to be prepared months ahead and purchased oversea while another happily suggested recycling . While one feels that comfort is utmost, another feels that it is most important to make sure it match. In the end, I feel the occasion will come to pass and the overall atmosphere will be the same as long as we are happy doing what we feel at peace. We (includes me) can view a function with all the stress in the world or just sit back and enjoy the occasion.The path we take determines the aura we will radiate.How important is it that all things must fall into place with all the plan A,B and C ready? The most perfectly planned function will have it's flaws. The most unplanned occasion will still go on.As for me, looking back and reflecting, I would just like to do my best but still feel comfortable and not get stressed out.
As in all things I now believe we plan but He decides.Such a wonderful peaceful revelation to us who are His sons and daughters.
Chinese New Year 2012
Chinese New Year 2012 is different and significant in some ways. This is the first year we are having CNY without my mother-in-law. The sisters and brothers in law went on as usual but I just can't help giving her a thought or two now and then. Just that it is without her.It is also the first year I could prepare for the season with my hubby totally at my side as he is fully retired.The companionship and the togetherness made up partly for the absence of my daughter.This year too we enjoyed the environment of our little cosy abode that gives hubby and me a sense of serenity.
Most important, this is the year I give praise to my Lord in full with my heart giving thanks every part of the way.Thanking Him for Ed's save journey and unexpected early arrival. Attending service on the eve before the start of the long celebration also allows me to ask Him to walk alongside me this festivity. I am glad He has help me do away with the idolatry this year Thank You Lord
Most important, this is the year I give praise to my Lord in full with my heart giving thanks every part of the way.Thanking Him for Ed's save journey and unexpected early arrival. Attending service on the eve before the start of the long celebration also allows me to ask Him to walk alongside me this festivity. I am glad He has help me do away with the idolatry this year Thank You Lord
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tasty Savoury Crispies
Something I found some where and twisted slightly. Apologies the source which I really can't remember.
Tasty Savoury Crispies for CNY 2012
125 g flour
A handful of chicken floss
75 g butter
100 g chicken flavoured potato chips (crushed and added last)
3 tbsp icing sugar (put less if you don't have a sweet tooth, I did)
1 tbsp paprika (I substitute with pepper)
! egg yolk
4 tbsp milk
As I make biscuits, cream butter with sugar gradually add everything else.
chips last
Optional, add black and normal sesame
bake at 180 deg C for 15 minutes or till slightly brown
Enjoy trying, Glasgow
Tasty Savoury Crispies for CNY 2012
125 g flour
A handful of chicken floss
75 g butter
100 g chicken flavoured potato chips (crushed and added last)
3 tbsp icing sugar (put less if you don't have a sweet tooth, I did)
1 tbsp paprika (I substitute with pepper)
! egg yolk
4 tbsp milk
As I make biscuits, cream butter with sugar gradually add everything else.
chips last
Optional, add black and normal sesame
bake at 180 deg C for 15 minutes or till slightly brown
Enjoy trying, Glasgow
Monday, January 16, 2012
Good doctors and teachers
This morning I read a letter in the newspaper written by a doctor. He/she talked about how he/she was affected by a patient's death though he/she has been taught by his/her lecturer that things like that should not disturb a doctor too much.
This evening while talking to my son, he spoke of how he was sadden by one of his ex-patient(he has since changed department) death. And how 2 of his patients are at near end.
What do the medical profession aspires their young doctors to feel?Basing on their training , (as discussed lately in the newspaper), they seem to be gruelled and hammered and worked to their last bit of energy. Skills and knowledge and stamina has to be trained intensely Unconsciously, we are getting very tired exhausted doctors. To this, they will have no time or energy to 'feel'. A death is just another report to be made. A very sick patient is just a bed that needs monitoring.
Like the writer above said in the letter,beneath the white coat is a human. Beyond getting medication and treatment, the patient needs a tender touch. This goes beyond the sick one to their loved ones. A tender show of care, a word or a smile at the right time can go very far.
But then again what do we want our doctors to be? Is a good doctor someone who is knowledgeable with good medical skills? Or is medical care goes more than that?. To me, when I am sick, I believe my end has been well arranged by some one up there long before my coming into existence. The doctors are just His angels to do the physical work. The final decision is only His to make. So saying, a caring doctor wins hand down as compared to a smart but hard core one.
Medical care, like teaching deals with living souls with feelings. There are guidelines to our profession but every case should be handled with love and a inner commitment before we can be called successful doctors and teachers.
Lastly as teachers and doctors, we also need to know when to leave our work behind when we walk out of the gates so that we can be rejuvenated to a fresh start again the next day.
This evening while talking to my son, he spoke of how he was sadden by one of his ex-patient(he has since changed department) death. And how 2 of his patients are at near end.
What do the medical profession aspires their young doctors to feel?Basing on their training , (as discussed lately in the newspaper), they seem to be gruelled and hammered and worked to their last bit of energy. Skills and knowledge and stamina has to be trained intensely Unconsciously, we are getting very tired exhausted doctors. To this, they will have no time or energy to 'feel'. A death is just another report to be made. A very sick patient is just a bed that needs monitoring.
Like the writer above said in the letter,beneath the white coat is a human. Beyond getting medication and treatment, the patient needs a tender touch. This goes beyond the sick one to their loved ones. A tender show of care, a word or a smile at the right time can go very far.
But then again what do we want our doctors to be? Is a good doctor someone who is knowledgeable with good medical skills? Or is medical care goes more than that?. To me, when I am sick, I believe my end has been well arranged by some one up there long before my coming into existence. The doctors are just His angels to do the physical work. The final decision is only His to make. So saying, a caring doctor wins hand down as compared to a smart but hard core one.
Medical care, like teaching deals with living souls with feelings. There are guidelines to our profession but every case should be handled with love and a inner commitment before we can be called successful doctors and teachers.
Lastly as teachers and doctors, we also need to know when to leave our work behind when we walk out of the gates so that we can be rejuvenated to a fresh start again the next day.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
CNY 2012 Approaching
CNY is in 2 weeks time. This will be the second year without my daughter. Am I suppose get used to it? I don't know but all I know is that I still don't like it.Whenever the family is not complete, it feel like an arm is missing.It can't be help and I am not lamenting. Just that I won't say I am okay with it. Guess that is just a mother's sentiments or maybe a woman's sentiments as my hubby and son would insist!
To all parents out there, enjoy your children while you can. To all children out there, it is precious moments with your parents.
Only difference this year is that I have hubby with me full time. We are making the best of things, planning the meals, shopping and preparing goodies and decorations. Yes, I am glad he is with me. And I know I have to let go of my children but it would be nice to have them too.
To all parents out there, enjoy your children while you can. To all children out there, it is precious moments with your parents.
Only difference this year is that I have hubby with me full time. We are making the best of things, planning the meals, shopping and preparing goodies and decorations. Yes, I am glad he is with me. And I know I have to let go of my children but it would be nice to have them too.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
When I amTroubled........
Remembering the days when I was young (my earliest memories of childhood), when ever I am not happy, I would sit alone with my toy or just a book. Either that or I will do something physically to exhaust myself.
This went on into my teens. Then TV came into being.(Rather when my family could afford a TV) I would use it to numb myself and forget about my troubles. I still remembered when I was offered a place in the Technical College after my Form 3, I couldn't decide whether to accept it or not. My parents wanted me there but my brother who was from there did not want me there. I have no idea why though. My dad took me there to see the place hoping that it would prompt me to say yes. The only guy I met there did not see why a girl would want to be there. In short I was so undecided so I just sat in front of the TV and numb myself with the shows. I remembered my dad was so mad with me assuming I just didn't bother to care or think.
Later in life, when I missed my dad after his death, I used to write a lot. Poems, letters to him or just words depicting my thoughts and feelings. Of course, they had no readers.
When trouble brew in my twenties, I continue to write.
After I got married, I guess I had no time to be troubled because, the job was challenging and being a wife and mother did not give one much time to even stop and think; what more feel.
In between, the saddest part of my life in my thirties was when I lost my mother.I won't say we were the best of pals or that we had the loveliest of relationship but her death affected me a lot. She was very important to me and in a way, I was deeply affected by her feelings, and her very existence. In short, e were close. After her funeral, I used to just sit down and let my tears roll for a long time without crying or sobbing out loud.
Later on I would learn to talk my feelings out with others but looking back, I wonder if it was wise.You will never know how so called friends could use certain knowledge for their own benefit or just give you an odd stare.Sometimes the closest of people don't know how to react and that make me more exasperated.
Much later in life as I reach middle age, I began to see the benefits of walking. When I was troubled, I would think things out with myself and I found walking very refreshing. I would just walk and walk and walk in the out door garden near my house. The trouble will become clearer and the 'worry' energy is channelled out. Maybe stress was reduced too.
Today, I use a combination of writing, physical workout, TV and just being in solitude when I am troubled. I find all these therapeutic. I seldom talked it out but I prayed a lot. So I guess I only talk with Him.
As I enter into the next phase of life and towards my end, will I stay quiet and walk into the sunset?
This went on into my teens. Then TV came into being.(Rather when my family could afford a TV) I would use it to numb myself and forget about my troubles. I still remembered when I was offered a place in the Technical College after my Form 3, I couldn't decide whether to accept it or not. My parents wanted me there but my brother who was from there did not want me there. I have no idea why though. My dad took me there to see the place hoping that it would prompt me to say yes. The only guy I met there did not see why a girl would want to be there. In short I was so undecided so I just sat in front of the TV and numb myself with the shows. I remembered my dad was so mad with me assuming I just didn't bother to care or think.
Later in life, when I missed my dad after his death, I used to write a lot. Poems, letters to him or just words depicting my thoughts and feelings. Of course, they had no readers.
When trouble brew in my twenties, I continue to write.
After I got married, I guess I had no time to be troubled because, the job was challenging and being a wife and mother did not give one much time to even stop and think; what more feel.
In between, the saddest part of my life in my thirties was when I lost my mother.I won't say we were the best of pals or that we had the loveliest of relationship but her death affected me a lot. She was very important to me and in a way, I was deeply affected by her feelings, and her very existence. In short, e were close. After her funeral, I used to just sit down and let my tears roll for a long time without crying or sobbing out loud.
Later on I would learn to talk my feelings out with others but looking back, I wonder if it was wise.You will never know how so called friends could use certain knowledge for their own benefit or just give you an odd stare.Sometimes the closest of people don't know how to react and that make me more exasperated.
Much later in life as I reach middle age, I began to see the benefits of walking. When I was troubled, I would think things out with myself and I found walking very refreshing. I would just walk and walk and walk in the out door garden near my house. The trouble will become clearer and the 'worry' energy is channelled out. Maybe stress was reduced too.
Today, I use a combination of writing, physical workout, TV and just being in solitude when I am troubled. I find all these therapeutic. I seldom talked it out but I prayed a lot. So I guess I only talk with Him.
As I enter into the next phase of life and towards my end, will I stay quiet and walk into the sunset?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
From the heart
We hear so often that we should love and care, be thoughtful, empathise etc etc.from church, from leaders and from practically everybody who thinks they can advice. I agree. The world needs more of that.
They also go one step further to tell you how to care , how to show that you love and the steps to take to show that you are a friend again etc etc. Yes, I also agree.
But hardly do I hear of someone telling one very important fact if not the most important point. That is...
to love and care sincerely from the heart.
All that we can do can be done because we should and we must. Maybe because of the role we play. Maybe we are parents. Christians, role models, friends and leaders.
But if it not done right ultimately I feel it negates things and even worsen the relationship when it is not done from the heart. Nothing irritates me more than a weak handshake and a quick glance as I pass by. It makes me feel as if I was just in the way of their duty. I rather just go without the handshake just not to receive the vibes. If we do care, do take a few seconds more to look at me in the eyes and give me a smile from the heart that says I truly am glad to see you. Sorry to say that I feel that at a place that I go every week. (Don't get me wrong, not that it only happens there BUT rather that is the place where I interact most with other people as I am now a retiree) I would rather they give me a smile, look at me at the eyes and maybe a nod.A weak handshake gives me the message' OK so you are here, now go so that I can say hi to the next guy' .It doesn't give the warmth that it was meant to be and maybe that is where it has failed.It was meant to make others feel welcome but if it is not done well, it will negates everything else. Making someone feel welcome is not the words 'welcome' and words like 'sorry if I didn't show or do it' has lost it purpose because it is already done, like it or mean it or not.
I feel so sad that those involved just do not understand that when one truly feels and care and love, one do not really need the steps or ways to show it. Your body language, your very action shows it. You will emits the feelings and the vibes. I was never thought to love and care but I am sure my students and friends knew that I do.
Bottom line is when you want to love, sincerely love and care otherwise the recipient will know.Otherwise please do not try to care and love. It emits an uncomfortable aura.
I guess I am lucky that I need not pretend but then I have never wanted or need to pretend. I always avoid people I don't particularly feel 'loving' to. And then again others may view that as my negative point and that was my downfall 5 years ago. That was when I allowed politics to take over my career and cut it short.But then again I say, I had no regrets.
My God love first and I pray that more (including myself) could grow to be more like Him
They also go one step further to tell you how to care , how to show that you love and the steps to take to show that you are a friend again etc etc. Yes, I also agree.
But hardly do I hear of someone telling one very important fact if not the most important point. That is...
to love and care sincerely from the heart.
All that we can do can be done because we should and we must. Maybe because of the role we play. Maybe we are parents. Christians, role models, friends and leaders.
But if it not done right ultimately I feel it negates things and even worsen the relationship when it is not done from the heart. Nothing irritates me more than a weak handshake and a quick glance as I pass by. It makes me feel as if I was just in the way of their duty. I rather just go without the handshake just not to receive the vibes. If we do care, do take a few seconds more to look at me in the eyes and give me a smile from the heart that says I truly am glad to see you. Sorry to say that I feel that at a place that I go every week. (Don't get me wrong, not that it only happens there BUT rather that is the place where I interact most with other people as I am now a retiree) I would rather they give me a smile, look at me at the eyes and maybe a nod.A weak handshake gives me the message' OK so you are here, now go so that I can say hi to the next guy' .It doesn't give the warmth that it was meant to be and maybe that is where it has failed.It was meant to make others feel welcome but if it is not done well, it will negates everything else. Making someone feel welcome is not the words 'welcome' and words like 'sorry if I didn't show or do it' has lost it purpose because it is already done, like it or mean it or not.
I feel so sad that those involved just do not understand that when one truly feels and care and love, one do not really need the steps or ways to show it. Your body language, your very action shows it. You will emits the feelings and the vibes. I was never thought to love and care but I am sure my students and friends knew that I do.
Bottom line is when you want to love, sincerely love and care otherwise the recipient will know.Otherwise please do not try to care and love. It emits an uncomfortable aura.
I guess I am lucky that I need not pretend but then I have never wanted or need to pretend. I always avoid people I don't particularly feel 'loving' to. And then again others may view that as my negative point and that was my downfall 5 years ago. That was when I allowed politics to take over my career and cut it short.But then again I say, I had no regrets.
My God love first and I pray that more (including myself) could grow to be more like Him
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