During the last 10 years, he used to drop by the school during festivals. He will always have a 'buah tangan' for me. If he can't find me in my room, he will put it on my table and goes off. I used to feel terrible because i know he doesn't come from a well to do background. As a matter of fact, financing his studies after Form six was a problem. How could I take anything from him?.
God was great, around that time PTPTN came about and with his hard work and initiative not forgetting his determination, he finsihed his course in an institution of his choice.
During this visit, his 'buah tangan' was no less but I am so happy to see him with a job he enjoys, giving him benefits he was happy about, have invested in some things at his tender age. All in all, so happy for him.
Another of my little one all grown up!
He may not be a millionaire, he doesn't have a yacht to bring any hollywood star on and he did not write a computer program that brings him world wide fame; but he is independent, happy and on his way to a follow his heart.
Not many teachers may remeber him though he has served his school well. Those who have requested for his help when he was a headboy most probably woulld just today smile and can't remember a single thing he did for them.
But it doesn't matter as in life we do our part and run our own race. We don't teach so that students can thank us. He didn't become a headboy so that the school will be gratefull to him. We teach because we love. He did his duty because he believe it was his to do.
As for me, I am so happy he is what he is today.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Angels
When I started teaching, I had no idea of my passion for teaching.As I went along, my love for the job and the children just grew on its on.As a matter of fact, if I had 'lean on my own understanding', I would have got out of the boat the first 3 years because I had to work so hard to obtain the Bahasa credit I need to be confirmed.
If I were asked where this love would carry me, truly I would never be able to answer because there is no extra monetary bonus nor letter of approval for loving.Most probably 90% of the kids might not even remember me.
But today I am so happy to note that He has used them in so many ways to bless me. During different times in so many different creative ways. My prayer is that may all of them be blessed bountifully too.
If I were asked where this love would carry me, truly I would never be able to answer because there is no extra monetary bonus nor letter of approval for loving.Most probably 90% of the kids might not even remember me.
But today I am so happy to note that He has used them in so many ways to bless me. During different times in so many different creative ways. My prayer is that may all of them be blessed bountifully too.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
42 hours after
Finally I survived her departure. Sad to say, I failed this round. My dam just burst a few instances though I keep thinking of others things to keep me offtrack.
But seeing her happy and settled in Glasgow helps a lot and I feel much better. I know it is still a struggle as the days and weeks ahead but with His Grace, I will be OK.
Now that she is settled, I now turn my attention to myself.I have a few handicraft projects that I hope to complete. I also hope to start my Bible in a Year reading plan as it was something I wanted to do for a few years.
But before that I will need to make some plans (I guess I can't stop being an organiser)to my daily regime. and write it down so that the determination will be stronger . It would include daily chores, my walking regime, library and of course my computer time. The marvel of the net has allowed me and hubby to view her unpacking process and to be part of her organising of her rooms.Only lacking is the physical touching. Sigh.
My doctor's appointments has to be seen too. and all my meetings with friends and students that I have postponed for the last one month not forgetting the plans for the house.
Wow I am a bit overwhelm so I think I will only put it into paper tomorrow when the 2 boys are at work. Another plus point of being a retiree. No dateline to keep!
But seeing her happy and settled in Glasgow helps a lot and I feel much better. I know it is still a struggle as the days and weeks ahead but with His Grace, I will be OK.
Now that she is settled, I now turn my attention to myself.I have a few handicraft projects that I hope to complete. I also hope to start my Bible in a Year reading plan as it was something I wanted to do for a few years.
But before that I will need to make some plans (I guess I can't stop being an organiser)to my daily regime. and write it down so that the determination will be stronger . It would include daily chores, my walking regime, library and of course my computer time. The marvel of the net has allowed me and hubby to view her unpacking process and to be part of her organising of her rooms.Only lacking is the physical touching. Sigh.
My doctor's appointments has to be seen too. and all my meetings with friends and students that I have postponed for the last one month not forgetting the plans for the house.
Wow I am a bit overwhelm so I think I will only put it into paper tomorrow when the 2 boys are at work. Another plus point of being a retiree. No dateline to keep!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
48 hours
Ask me how I feel now and I will say I don't know. I feel nothing and everything.
Ed is back for a few days and it is good to have the whole family together. To laugh, share, to sit down on the dinner table together. This scene is getting further and further from grasp as the hours goes by.
Au's visa is not cleared yet. There is absolutely nothing that can be done by anyone of us but to wait.It is 48 hours before she flies and the documents are not ready yet. We can't say that it is not affecting us but we are leaving everything to Him.In a way, because of all the uncertainty, we can't be feeling only sadness for the impending separation as we have to keep space for uncertainty. Maybe that is good?
Everyone understand how each of us are feeling and is making the best of it.We are going to treasure every hour from now on while we pray for the best.
Ed is back for a few days and it is good to have the whole family together. To laugh, share, to sit down on the dinner table together. This scene is getting further and further from grasp as the hours goes by.
Au's visa is not cleared yet. There is absolutely nothing that can be done by anyone of us but to wait.It is 48 hours before she flies and the documents are not ready yet. We can't say that it is not affecting us but we are leaving everything to Him.In a way, because of all the uncertainty, we can't be feeling only sadness for the impending separation as we have to keep space for uncertainty. Maybe that is good?
Everyone understand how each of us are feeling and is making the best of it.We are going to treasure every hour from now on while we pray for the best.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Mother and Daughter
The older generation have this habit of saying 'wait till you are my age/ be a mum/ be a father....etc, then you will know how I feel'. Well, my mum said it to me when I was in my teens. Not that many times but I do remember those words.
Today I am a mum and my daughter just finish her teens. So did my mum's words came true? Sad to say, yes. Only difference is my reaction to the fact.
Yes, I understand how she felt every time I went with my friends, she is worried. She used to pull on a long face whenever I go out. It could be a show, or a day trip, it doesn't matter. She was never happy that I have to be away. I now know her worry as a mother. I feel the same way too when my children are not within my sight. Difference is, I remembered how it made me feel so miserable every time I step out of my home and I never want my children to have the same feelings. I don't want them to feel guilty about leaving as I did those days. Instead, I want to prepare them with the unexpected, ask Him to take over and then sent them off with a smile. This will includes the airport scene in a week's time.
Next, I used to be so upset when she wants to go out for a show, on trips and expected me to fulfill those wishes. As I am not energetic by nature, and especially when you work 5 days and wanted just a day to sleep in, none of those ideas sounds fun.I used to dread those days. Today I understand that she was lonely. She wanted companionship and wanted some activities. After being a housewife for so many years and being cooped up in the house, going out is something she looks forwards to every weekend. More so, when most people do enjoy going out and travelling unlike me. Today, whenever such feelings comes up,I tell myself everyone has their own life to lead. We each should have our own activities and not relied on others to full fill our life. We only lay down our request for some family time every week and after such time, release others.
So I hope that having gone through a guilty time, I hope to be a better mother and wife. Not that I love my mother any less.But I have learn to understand her better (unfortunately it is a little late)
Today I am a mum and my daughter just finish her teens. So did my mum's words came true? Sad to say, yes. Only difference is my reaction to the fact.
Yes, I understand how she felt every time I went with my friends, she is worried. She used to pull on a long face whenever I go out. It could be a show, or a day trip, it doesn't matter. She was never happy that I have to be away. I now know her worry as a mother. I feel the same way too when my children are not within my sight. Difference is, I remembered how it made me feel so miserable every time I step out of my home and I never want my children to have the same feelings. I don't want them to feel guilty about leaving as I did those days. Instead, I want to prepare them with the unexpected, ask Him to take over and then sent them off with a smile. This will includes the airport scene in a week's time.
Next, I used to be so upset when she wants to go out for a show, on trips and expected me to fulfill those wishes. As I am not energetic by nature, and especially when you work 5 days and wanted just a day to sleep in, none of those ideas sounds fun.I used to dread those days. Today I understand that she was lonely. She wanted companionship and wanted some activities. After being a housewife for so many years and being cooped up in the house, going out is something she looks forwards to every weekend. More so, when most people do enjoy going out and travelling unlike me. Today, whenever such feelings comes up,I tell myself everyone has their own life to lead. We each should have our own activities and not relied on others to full fill our life. We only lay down our request for some family time every week and after such time, release others.
So I hope that having gone through a guilty time, I hope to be a better mother and wife. Not that I love my mother any less.But I have learn to understand her better (unfortunately it is a little late)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Talks and Hugs
Between the rush of things the last 2 weeks, the family managed a 3 days trip to PD. Sister and hubby joined us in Legend International homes for a 3 king size beds , 2 room booking with a private swimming pool in the room! It is a fantastic deal, the place was spacious, clean (which is very important for me) and has a beautiful public pool too. The pool has waterfall like structures that gives you a good water massage.
More important, it would have been the family's last holiday together before E goes off to Batu Pahat and Au going off to Scotland for a minimum of 2 years. Therefore it was a bittersweet trip for me.
I thank God for a close knit family. I am proud thatmy children are close to me emotional and physically. We hug at every occasion we have. Iremembered how surprised and touched a few teachers were when they saw me hug Ad when he received his SPM results. The boys hug me at home and in public. All three holds my hand as we get down from the car and in every public place.As a matter of fact, it is so natural to me that I had to be awakened only when I read about the prayers in the 40 days fast booklet that it is not the same with most families.My children are no longer small in age but they do snuggle up to me when they kiss me goodnight and say 'I love you". On the same note, I do hug my students too and my teachers and even she who nearly "killed me"! I don't believe in hiding our love and sometimes a human touch makes one feel loved and wanted. (However I do remember that maybe I should restrain when my boys get a girlfriend and especially one that finds the practise a bit alien! ha ha ha)
A holiday is good too because it gave us a opportunity to sit down and talk without interruptions. I noticed with happiness that the five of us talked a lot. We talked after dinner at the table, we talked on skype ( both on nonsence and happenings) and we spend hours having heart to heart talk. Well at least I do! I know daddy will doop off to sleep but I treasure every second I spend with the kids.The hugs and talks are the things I will miss most when the time comes for the changes to take place.
More important, it would have been the family's last holiday together before E goes off to Batu Pahat and Au going off to Scotland for a minimum of 2 years. Therefore it was a bittersweet trip for me.
I thank God for a close knit family. I am proud thatmy children are close to me emotional and physically. We hug at every occasion we have. Iremembered how surprised and touched a few teachers were when they saw me hug Ad when he received his SPM results. The boys hug me at home and in public. All three holds my hand as we get down from the car and in every public place.As a matter of fact, it is so natural to me that I had to be awakened only when I read about the prayers in the 40 days fast booklet that it is not the same with most families.My children are no longer small in age but they do snuggle up to me when they kiss me goodnight and say 'I love you". On the same note, I do hug my students too and my teachers and even she who nearly "killed me"! I don't believe in hiding our love and sometimes a human touch makes one feel loved and wanted. (However I do remember that maybe I should restrain when my boys get a girlfriend and especially one that finds the practise a bit alien! ha ha ha)
A holiday is good too because it gave us a opportunity to sit down and talk without interruptions. I noticed with happiness that the five of us talked a lot. We talked after dinner at the table, we talked on skype ( both on nonsence and happenings) and we spend hours having heart to heart talk. Well at least I do! I know daddy will doop off to sleep but I treasure every second I spend with the kids.The hugs and talks are the things I will miss most when the time comes for the changes to take place.
Friday, September 3, 2010
July and August 2010 - a big change
I had not plan to blog until after 18th September as I know I have been and will be going through an emotional roller coaster these 2 months. But then blogging was suppose to help me go through times like this.
Starting mid July, I 'sat' through 4th semester MPharm and 9th semester EOS in medic.Having Christ with me this time round has made it much calmer. The family prayed for both the kids and praise the Lord, His will allows them to get through both the EOS.
The medic exam was a tight fit thing because within 48 hours, exam ends, results was announced, packing was done in S'ban, and moved to Batu Pahat. God knew the delimna we would have so as we enter the S'ban house, E sms the good news (otherwise it would mean another 6 months in Sban which means all plans had to be changed!)
At the same time, home repairs was done the same day we were helping E to bring his stuff to his new place which he will be sharing with 3 good friends for the next 6 months.The repairs wasn't done well but at least it will do for the time being.
Batu Pahat house is newer but his aircond could not be fixed untill yesterday.Therefore he should be more comfortable and happier this time round. Right now, apart from his normal anxiety, PTL, he is well settled . One burden less for this mum.
Back to Au, after the results were out, it was a few days of nail biting before the CAS letter came from Glasgow. Next was the application of the visa. Minor hitches but with His help, all the appropriate forms were filled and documents were prepared After a half day (relatively short time compared to what others have to under go) all the documents were handed in. Now for another prayer session for the application to be approved and be on time for the flight.
While all these was going on, my physical health hasn't been too cooperative either. The only thing it prove was that my complains is not due to idleness but real!
Emotional, for sure, endless thoughts and feelings has been going on. Happy, grateful, concerned, missing them, learning to let go, rationalising, being practical like a mother, etc etc. At the same time need to put in a conscious effort to fill my time and change my lifestyle after she leave.So that I won't be a burden to them.It is from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 and then 1 in October Sigh!
Starting mid July, I 'sat' through 4th semester MPharm and 9th semester EOS in medic.Having Christ with me this time round has made it much calmer. The family prayed for both the kids and praise the Lord, His will allows them to get through both the EOS.
The medic exam was a tight fit thing because within 48 hours, exam ends, results was announced, packing was done in S'ban, and moved to Batu Pahat. God knew the delimna we would have so as we enter the S'ban house, E sms the good news (otherwise it would mean another 6 months in Sban which means all plans had to be changed!)
At the same time, home repairs was done the same day we were helping E to bring his stuff to his new place which he will be sharing with 3 good friends for the next 6 months.The repairs wasn't done well but at least it will do for the time being.
Batu Pahat house is newer but his aircond could not be fixed untill yesterday.Therefore he should be more comfortable and happier this time round. Right now, apart from his normal anxiety, PTL, he is well settled . One burden less for this mum.
Back to Au, after the results were out, it was a few days of nail biting before the CAS letter came from Glasgow. Next was the application of the visa. Minor hitches but with His help, all the appropriate forms were filled and documents were prepared After a half day (relatively short time compared to what others have to under go) all the documents were handed in. Now for another prayer session for the application to be approved and be on time for the flight.
While all these was going on, my physical health hasn't been too cooperative either. The only thing it prove was that my complains is not due to idleness but real!
Emotional, for sure, endless thoughts and feelings has been going on. Happy, grateful, concerned, missing them, learning to let go, rationalising, being practical like a mother, etc etc. At the same time need to put in a conscious effort to fill my time and change my lifestyle after she leave.So that I won't be a burden to them.It is from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 and then 1 in October Sigh!
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