Very emo. Hope to be out of it soon

Hear and Heard

I have a bad habit. I listen too hard. Sometimes it it is good that we don't hear so much. When we were young we go about in childlike innocence, not seeing much and not hearing much.

Now that we hear, we have to respond and sometimes even if we don't respond, having heard it kind of mush things up. I do wish what I heard is not what is 'said' but having acquired the wisdom that come with age, it is difficult to convince even myself that I imagined it.

So is it better to be a bit stupid, a bit hard of hearing? One fine day, in my last days maybe I can answer the question!

pan fried Pork in apple sauce

Ever since hubby retired and we moved back to our renovated house, we have been trying out a lot of recipes.We sourced recipes from memory, cook books, internet and sometimes a mixture of ideas.
The sad thing is we are not disciplined enough to make a collection of recipes we perfected or concocted from all sources.

For example, we had western today for dinner. I liked the way the pork was cooked and the way it is presented. It started from a recipe on line with a lot of adjustments made.

So before I forget, I would like to make a start and try to record it before I forgot what we put in. Obviously the amount is left out but the ingredients needed is listed

Frozen pork was sliced thinly and marinated with
pepper
salt
cornflour
We pan fry the thin slices with
oil and a dash of mustard, adding
sliced onions and
apples cubes

After the pork is taken out, we pan fry parboiled thickly sliced Austrlian potatoes seasoned with
salt
pepper
in the leftover oil 
Some water was sprinkld to help cook it.
We served it with corn nib-lets

Eldest son like it so  much that he took 2 portion!

Is discipline the same as swotting air?

As I travel and was on the road, I do not have my laptop with me. Well I am not that 'canggih' so admit it. But that doesn't mean thoughts and feelings didn't pass me by. The two weeks were full of thoughts and strong vibes. I wanted to blog about so many things I saw and observed. No, not about the scenery and architecture. That I would leave it to the professionals. Neither did I feel that strongly about food even as I am in foreign land. Different maybe but nothing spectacular.

No, I wanted to blog about people's reaction, their habits, the characters I met, the way they carry themselves.Chatty, sincere, racist,concern, friendly, loving and others. So colourful and so interesting and yet sometimes worrying.

Ha ha ha the joke is , after the 18 hours of flight, a fall after I came back, recovering from jet lag, the fever has subsided. Never mind, I do believe it will surface again when the time is right. I will then write again

Back home, over the newspaper, the topic of punishment, caning, discipline in the school resurfaces for the umpteen time. It is so sad. I wanted so much to ask these people especially the educationist involved if they know what is disciple. How is punishments in the school different from  sentences in the court of law. Do they know their role as an educationist? Do they realise that they are dealing with young minds that they have a responsibility to form and not hard core criminals.

Whenever they suspend a child from school or cane a child, do they know why they do it. What are the actions suppose to bring about. Have the child been told why the punishment was meted out be it caning or suspension.Are these actions going to bring about a positive change in the child? Both the actions are and should be meted out but only if the the one carrying it out know why he or she is doing it. Only if the child has been convinced that it should be carried out and and that it will bring about the desired effect. Failing it, no one should even qualify themselves as a disciplinarian. And thus not even qualify to even scold a child what more to suspend or cane them.

Can the authorities go back to the table and clear their minds and then set out to pass the whole concept of discipline to the appropriate people. As long as that is not done(and I don't see that happening in the near future) the whole discussion is equivalent to swotting air!

Dancing a different tune

Little sweetie graduated a few weeks ago and had decided to spend another year in UK to do her pre registration. Hubby and me spend 2 weeks with her one in Italy and another in Glasgow. All together that will mean I won't hug her for another six months at least.

As time goes by, the family changes. The children grow up and need to flap their wings. All nice and right to say that we let them flap and fly as they wish. We have prepared then for 20 plus years. It is time to let go and not stress them with our over concern. But then whoever who says that is not a mother. At least not a mother like me. I don't know whether to envy or to pity mothers who can just let go so easily. Maybe the closeness was never there. Maybe I am more sentimental? Sensitive? Paranoid? It is not about worrying . It is something call missing them.Is it good or is it bad? Either way I couldn't let go that easily...... bottom line.

I bring my 3 children up hugging them, kissing them.I had to say that the emotional tag for me is very strong.The logical part is to let go. The practical part is to accept that they have grown up The fact is I have done all I can done for them. But then, the string I have dance a different tune.

God knows when or if ever I will get over it.God knows if they ever knows and affect then negatively.

Someone Speaking?

For the past few weeks I have been pondering over some morbid things.
Has been wondering when I die, how long will it matters to different people.
Decided that

to friends and acquaintances, as long as the obituary is on?
to relatives, until the funeral?
to my children, until all is settled and they go back to their life which might take 2 to 3 months?
to my husband, maybe a year?

and then it is truly dust to dust, a fleeting memory, to ponder once a while.........
how true that life here is so temporary.

Not that it is sad but to me, it is the reality of life on earth.
Face it, accept it.,make the best of it while we are here
and
Hope that when it is time, make it simple.

and then

I got a message....................


On this day, God wants you to know...
... that you are important.

You have a role to play in this universe, even if you do not know it yet. Without you, this divine clockwork would not be the same. So look after yourself. There is a reason for your existence.

Are You speaking?

What a week

So much happened in the last seven days. So many different feelings passes through this heart of mine. So many questions.

Sunday as an emotional mothers day as I received the holy spirits blessings and was gifted with the tongue. Itself bring forth feeling of happiness, relief, gratefulness and a special spiritual overall that no words could describe.

Monday we discovered that our shoe rack was looted of the men's shoes. After taking stock with the 2 sons, 9 pairs were gone which includes a broken pair, daddy's new walking shoes for Italy, A's newly repaired working shoes and Au tracking boots which was a hand over fr a cousin. The monetary lost was not much but it meant further shopping.Naturally that brought forth the alarm man to suggest a photo beam. Feelings of being vulnerable and and regret for being too complacent sprouted.

Thursday night was a frightening night as we discover a break in right as we were in. With God's grace that made us armed the house much earlier than usual, the intruder left as the alarm sounded but not without costing damages to the gate, grille and window. Praise the Lord for M, alarm man, the repairs and reinforcement was done the next day. Oh the invasion of privacy, the hard knock of the danger we could have faced and the waking up that we could have lost our life brought cold sweat to me. I can't rest well and sleep eludes me.More than that, I need to suppress myself for the sake of others around me. Oh what a mess.

Soon thoughts of other thing came up. Breaking of fridge door, broken antenna, broken shoes, punctures in a car all within this short frame of time.Is it another test of faith The chill that flows through and the heaviness of the heart but i refuse to buckle. My faith in Him holds. I feel the crumbling and I holds on to His promise.At church today worship was energising and it strengthen me.I would be lying if I say it was back to normal. But I am determine to claim His strength to stand strong; for myself and for the family.For my prayers to be answered.

Oh what a week.