If this blog is human, she would be very upset for I only thinks of her when I am sad. Forgive me at many times, you are the only one I could talk to freely in times like this.
Browsing through my last few blogs, I can draw conclusion that the children's location effects me much. I prayed, I talked to myself, I tried not to think about it but I just can't say that I am over it. I know it is wrong, I know I shouldn't. I know I mustn't but I just miss each and everyone of my children badly. Don't get me wrong. Not that I don't miss my husband. Just that he is always with me.
As my daughter leaves the home, it as just like it was eons ago when the eldest left me. The pain is so great that it feels like a searing tearing of a part of me. a pain can't be described. Again I always ask why I can't get used to it but it is in vain.I never learn, I will never get used to it.
Sometimes it is frightening to think how it will affect me physically. The pain in the chest feel so real. the collapsing of the body is like that of giving up.
So I know I have to work harder on it. I have to pray harder. I need to be able to sit in the chair I shared with her with tearing. I need to look at her photos without wetting my face.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
What now?
What happens as your children grows up and leave the nest?
A question I have ponder many a time.The house looks bigger, the rooms are emptier.Do you do up a room and wait and wait for the day that one of them might drop by one day?
As a parent you would and want to. You will then patiently dust and clean and wait for that one day.
As a practical person, you realize it is like training an army for years to use them for one day. Is it stupid? Is it worth the effort? Should one forget about the years of training sitting down anticipating the war? Or should we just forget about it and just life life as it is .After all what is the worst thing that can happen is that one dies in a war. And everybody dies one day. Is all the years of anticipating and stress worth it? After all the more one anticipate, the more one stretch out to see, the longer one's neck get and the more painful it becomes.In the end it could very well all in vain.
On the other hand, no one will tell you that a country be without an army.It is expected of you. Deep down you also want to raise that army.even if you know that it is useless or worse still , a coup can happen
So the million dollar question in 2013 is........... what now?
A question I have ponder many a time.The house looks bigger, the rooms are emptier.Do you do up a room and wait and wait for the day that one of them might drop by one day?
As a parent you would and want to. You will then patiently dust and clean and wait for that one day.
As a practical person, you realize it is like training an army for years to use them for one day. Is it stupid? Is it worth the effort? Should one forget about the years of training sitting down anticipating the war? Or should we just forget about it and just life life as it is .After all what is the worst thing that can happen is that one dies in a war. And everybody dies one day. Is all the years of anticipating and stress worth it? After all the more one anticipate, the more one stretch out to see, the longer one's neck get and the more painful it becomes.In the end it could very well all in vain.
On the other hand, no one will tell you that a country be without an army.It is expected of you. Deep down you also want to raise that army.even if you know that it is useless or worse still , a coup can happen
So the million dollar question in 2013 is........... what now?
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
12.12.12
12.12.12
So much attention was given to those numbers as seen in my face book. I am not commemorating it though. It just happened that tonight is cool with the sounds of pitter patter rain outside. It got me all nostalgic couple to the fact that it is last month of the year.
The year has been eventful. I did a fair amount of travelling, grew spiritually, had my share of heartaches and happiness.
There were many first, and many changes to my life. My life revolves around my family and that means that changes will be seen. Maybe the changes will be permanent or maybe it is just a process but change is definite
Seven years ago, I was brought to realize that my children will be moving on to the next phase of life.Moving into their working life, it would mean the start of the empty nest.Seven years later, obviously it is clearer. So I can't say it came as a blow or an overnight bash.Nevertheless, I still need to make a conscious effort to accept it.Others will come into their life, and thus the family will change. Pray that His grace is upon us and may He fill the family with love. Hubby is happily teasing me that he will be the only one left in my life as the children flap their wings and fly!
2012 indeed a year to remember.While others talks of the end of the world, I am satisfied as I lived everyday the best way I know how.
2013 are days away. Exciting moments to come, with plans of travel, breathing everyday with my beloved. We pray for good health for the both of us, our children having breakthroughs in their life, salvation for our loved ones and righteousness to prevail amongst other things.We have a few things up our sleeves but then again, we will move as the days unfold.
Happy new year, welcome 2013 and may it brings blessings to all.
So much attention was given to those numbers as seen in my face book. I am not commemorating it though. It just happened that tonight is cool with the sounds of pitter patter rain outside. It got me all nostalgic couple to the fact that it is last month of the year.
The year has been eventful. I did a fair amount of travelling, grew spiritually, had my share of heartaches and happiness.
There were many first, and many changes to my life. My life revolves around my family and that means that changes will be seen. Maybe the changes will be permanent or maybe it is just a process but change is definite
Seven years ago, I was brought to realize that my children will be moving on to the next phase of life.Moving into their working life, it would mean the start of the empty nest.Seven years later, obviously it is clearer. So I can't say it came as a blow or an overnight bash.Nevertheless, I still need to make a conscious effort to accept it.Others will come into their life, and thus the family will change. Pray that His grace is upon us and may He fill the family with love. Hubby is happily teasing me that he will be the only one left in my life as the children flap their wings and fly!
2012 indeed a year to remember.While others talks of the end of the world, I am satisfied as I lived everyday the best way I know how.
2013 are days away. Exciting moments to come, with plans of travel, breathing everyday with my beloved. We pray for good health for the both of us, our children having breakthroughs in their life, salvation for our loved ones and righteousness to prevail amongst other things.We have a few things up our sleeves but then again, we will move as the days unfold.
Happy new year, welcome 2013 and may it brings blessings to all.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
A Bad Dream Continuing
It is like the continuing of a bad dream. Three siblings hospitalized in three different hospitals all in a short span of three weeks. Today nearly make the fourth disaster. Lucky the allergy was discovered early.
I thought it shouldn't affect me that much. Obviously I was wrong. They do matter to me. It don't matter what we went through and how much I tell myself. there is a part of me that is aligned to them.It is not that easy to say they are they and I am I. How can I not care when there are those closed to my heart who are not at peace. How can I not get involved when there are things I could do.
On the early hours of my birthday, an intruder came in and took the family's shoes. The monetary lost is not much but the fact that the shoes were stolen couldn't leave my mind. My eldest boy even gave me his hard earn one month's OT to compensate and to get a new pair of shoes. It actually make the lose even more painful knowing his dollars and sens are not easy earn.His sleepless nights and heavy toil in exchange for something a man just walk in and took as if it was due to him. I could only hope he was desperate to feed his children and clothe them during deepavali.
I prayed and prayed. I know He knows. He has been silent. Your will, not mine.
I just pray that Your test will end soon. I yearn for some peace.
I thought it shouldn't affect me that much. Obviously I was wrong. They do matter to me. It don't matter what we went through and how much I tell myself. there is a part of me that is aligned to them.It is not that easy to say they are they and I am I. How can I not care when there are those closed to my heart who are not at peace. How can I not get involved when there are things I could do.
On the early hours of my birthday, an intruder came in and took the family's shoes. The monetary lost is not much but the fact that the shoes were stolen couldn't leave my mind. My eldest boy even gave me his hard earn one month's OT to compensate and to get a new pair of shoes. It actually make the lose even more painful knowing his dollars and sens are not easy earn.His sleepless nights and heavy toil in exchange for something a man just walk in and took as if it was due to him. I could only hope he was desperate to feed his children and clothe them during deepavali.
I prayed and prayed. I know He knows. He has been silent. Your will, not mine.
I just pray that Your test will end soon. I yearn for some peace.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
My Dream
A house by the lakeside.
The water in the lake clear and clean.
.The cool wind blows and I don't need a fan. Of course toilet facilities and basic amenities are available.
The air is filled with the tweeting of the birds and the sound of water swishing nearby
Three meals a day of simple food. My bible to keep me company. Next to me is my husband with his bible.
Some potted plants for decoration and some fruit trees.
My Dream
The water in the lake clear and clean.
.The cool wind blows and I don't need a fan. Of course toilet facilities and basic amenities are available.
The air is filled with the tweeting of the birds and the sound of water swishing nearby
Three meals a day of simple food. My bible to keep me company. Next to me is my husband with his bible.
Some potted plants for decoration and some fruit trees.
My Dream
Monday, November 5, 2012
Job
The waves has been coming one after another since 1st Oct. I can only think of Job.
Am I suppose to be thankful there isn't a tsunami and that they are coming one by one and not all at once?
I am tired Lord.
But I will keep my faith. That much I know I will.
Am I suppose to be thankful there isn't a tsunami and that they are coming one by one and not all at once?
I am tired Lord.
But I will keep my faith. That much I know I will.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Is facebooking bad?. Is Internet destructive for the family and social life?
An excess of anything is bad. My son reads so much that punishment includes taking away his books. Another son is so dedicated to his work that he has to be scolded by his friends and bosses.
Similarly too much time spend on the Internet will definitely disrupt and has a negative impact.
Otherwise...........
Through facebook
I got to meet up with friends from yesteryear as far back as 40 years
I manage to update my children not residing with me the happenings of home
It alerts me which of my friends needs an encouraging word or just a smile.
I get to know that they are well We sometimes just need to know that others are OK without the need of spending hours on the phone and drafting a polite letter
I am exposed to others' interest like the types of cars, the beauty of flowers, charity works and inspiring quotations.
I am perked up when I sees a cheery hello to the world or someones jokes.
I get to share the joy of my friends as they travel or celebrate birth and anniversaries not forgetting the grief and sadness when they lose someone.
I can get connected to support groups for various happenings
I get updated with my friends as I let them get to know me too.
So facebook is not bad but if we got our priorities wrong at dinners and social function, frisking thro' it while others are around, then it is bad
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