What a week

So much happened in the last seven days. So many different feelings passes through this heart of mine. So many questions.

Sunday as an emotional mothers day as I received the holy spirits blessings and was gifted with the tongue. Itself bring forth feeling of happiness, relief, gratefulness and a special spiritual overall that no words could describe.

Monday we discovered that our shoe rack was looted of the men's shoes. After taking stock with the 2 sons, 9 pairs were gone which includes a broken pair, daddy's new walking shoes for Italy, A's newly repaired working shoes and Au tracking boots which was a hand over fr a cousin. The monetary lost was not much but it meant further shopping.Naturally that brought forth the alarm man to suggest a photo beam. Feelings of being vulnerable and and regret for being too complacent sprouted.

Thursday night was a frightening night as we discover a break in right as we were in. With God's grace that made us armed the house much earlier than usual, the intruder left as the alarm sounded but not without costing damages to the gate, grille and window. Praise the Lord for M, alarm man, the repairs and reinforcement was done the next day. Oh the invasion of privacy, the hard knock of the danger we could have faced and the waking up that we could have lost our life brought cold sweat to me. I can't rest well and sleep eludes me.More than that, I need to suppress myself for the sake of others around me. Oh what a mess.

Soon thoughts of other thing came up. Breaking of fridge door, broken antenna, broken shoes, punctures in a car all within this short frame of time.Is it another test of faith The chill that flows through and the heaviness of the heart but i refuse to buckle. My faith in Him holds. I feel the crumbling and I holds on to His promise.At church today worship was energising and it strengthen me.I would be lying if I say it was back to normal. But I am determine to claim His strength to stand strong; for myself and for the family.For my prayers to be answered.

Oh what a week.

Suppose to be Love Story

I stepped into the school after nearly 5 years of absence.No I didn't miss it. It was on the way to do something.
I still saw traces of my presence in the school. Five years and it is still there? Much said and truth about my passion but I finally discover that it is my passion for the children and their future. It wasn't the school.

I was a student in the mid 70s
I was a trainee teacher in 1979
I was called back to serve in 1981 when many wrongly assumed that I requested for it.
I was a teacher there walking through the corridors for more than 25 years,
I served as a senior science teacher
I was a member of the OBA
I was a committee member for years when no one was interested
My husband was an old boy
My two sons had their education there
I doubt many can challenge my involvement with the school!

So was I passionate about the school? Sorry to say and disappoint many, the answer is NO.I finally know that it was the children and education that I was passionate about. That is why I could love the children from another school even it was for 4 months. That is why the girls were just as precious to me as the boys.
It saddens me when certain things happened and it is not about the school. It was the children and the effect it had on them at that tender age.

Releasing and Listening

Pastor talked about days when we hear silence from heaven above. There are days when I am not sure what I feel.There are days when I get pretty emotional. And when I do, I fear that I will be depressed. Times like these, I feel I need to get out of it I know being depress is no good. So what do I do?.

I try to stop feeling.I numb myself. I tell myself that if thousands faces situations like mine. and millions have worse problems like mine, who am I to be complaining.Who am I to feel depress?

So what am I to feel.?
To accept, to stop feeling?
to overcome? Yes to overcome but how to overcome?
It is knowing that there is a problem and knowing it should not be a problem.To release it all unto Him?
Lately there seem to be a lot of release. I am overloading my different releases to Him.

What now but to listen.

Teachers

I am a teacher.I had teachers. I worked with teachers. I met with my children's teachers.

To teach is to love your students.Teachers training taught us a minute part of teaching ompare with all that a teacher need to do in school. Many things were not touched  upon but is essential to us.Class room control, paperwork, balancing accounts, handling parents, handling disciple and much more.So how do we go about it? or rather how do we survive in the school. We look for example, we learn from our mistakes but basically, we must love to teach.. Teaching has no glamour. Forget about grateful students and only one in a million might have a coffee table book written about them in their golden years Teach because you love and that is all.No buts and no ifs. Just as parents were never trains to be one, we do all we did out of love for our children.I believe it is the same for teaching.

So where do we draw the line on teachers' duties and not our duties as teachers?I was one of those who wished that I was just allowed to teach and educate with a big full stop. Looking back,I realised that

• while  I pull the weeds with the students on gotong royong day, I had a chance to work with them, hear them and understand them.
• on a trip with them, I learn what make them laugh and what they enjoy and hates about school.
• as I disciple them, I was reminded that some are so poor that they have to work after school.
• when I collect fees and fill in the particulars in the register, I get to know more about their background  and where they came from.
• as I sit down with the kids and just listen to them, I learn so much about them. I understand their behaviour and thoughts.I see their point of view

and all these helps me to educate them. Among other things

• I learn that they need respect as much as we do young as they are and even if they are discipline cases.
• They accept punishments better when they see why they were wrong.
• They are more tolerant when they know why certain rules are made(and this is so true with parents)
• A lecturer shares knowledge but a teacher educates
• A school do not judge and punish but should discipline and mould 

If I am asked today, I would not say that there are many things that are not a teacher's duty but rather, please give us more loving teachers so that we can share all that we need to do as teachers so that we can be better educators.

ENVY

I am 55 years old this year, I worked nearly 30 years during which I met people of all ages.I came from a big family of 6 siblings and a large extended family. I married into a family which is just as large and complex.
I met with all kinds people and they express all kinds of feelings. Of which one adjectives just piss me off.

Envy. When they think you are well, they are envious, when you are down, they love to play saviour. Is it necessary? Why envy? My Saviour tells me that all things happen for a reason and everything is His will. Why question? When that understanding dissolved into me, I found peace and I pray that many others may enjoy the peace like me. When we see someone smiling, there were times, she was sad. When she is sad, she had good time  before.So why calculate and be jealous when others are well. Be sincerely happy for them. The equation of life is endless and we can't see everything.Why then do we try to equate and justify?

When some one is well off in material, she most probably worked for it. Nothing came down from the sky except His blessings. A CEO may earn a lot but he gave and sacrificed a lot too.When there is great achievement, there was great input.Why envy?

When someone has a beautiful house, it was because she put a lot of effort into it. When they have a happy family, it is because they know how to be satisfied. When their children are loving, it is because they have been exposed to a loving family and they made an example of it. Yes no doubt sometimes it is not so simple. At times like that, pray and pray. H e knows but let His will be done.

One step further. When you receive a blessing be thankful He gave you and be gracious that someone prayed for you. Be thankful. It make us happier and a much more pleasant person to be with.Others are unfortunately human. We pray to love others. Make it a little easier on us to love you.

No one owes you anything. No body is obligated to share with you what they sow but if they do, be grateful.

A few minutes later

Saw this on 'Our Daily Bread ' a few minutes after I put up the last post.

 Let’s study the Word, pray for God’s direction, and trust His leading (Ps. 91:2) before we step out in any venture of faith.

My times are in my Father’s hand;
How could I wish or ask for more?
For He who has my pathway planned
Will guide me till my journey’s o’er. —Fraser

We see in part; God sees the whole.

So I still can feel and think.

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One of those days when you want to write something but your mind is is blank. Totally not thinking and not having any opinions.One of those days when anything can happen and nothing affects me.