My Spiritual Growth this year

2010 has been a happening year for me. It marked many things very personal to me, I may not remember the year as 2010 in years to come(who knows as age catches up and memory fades) but I will definitely remember the events.

4 years ago, I was hurt so bad that I lost myself. I lost myself mentally and I lost myself spiritually. Mentally because of the emotional pain of being pushed, battered undergoing a feeling of being cornered with nothing but the worst path to take.Spiritually because of the disappointments with so-called Christians who professes to be the know all.
There was one who thinks she knows me, gave me an analyse of me,backbite me and went off to east Malaysia without daring to face me. Another who played the role of a perfect 2 headed snake , ambitious, willing to do all things to get what she wanted and she found the perfect pawn. The third who was the pawn was a simple stupid (sorry I couldn't think of a more accurate description) one who allowed herself to be twisted and turned and used.An elder who out of faith thinks she was helping but actually invaded into my personal spiritual life under false pretence.I believed her and it hurts further to discovered how she lied to me.
Because she was chosen by the church and has all the avenues, she garnered support from the right people,played her moves to achieve her objective. By the time others discovered how I was victimised, I have lost all hope to fight back(not that I did earlier because, I was naif enough not to know any of the plots till it was all over),Me on the receiving end battered and sored finally lost my hope, and vision of my faith. I decided then that if that was the christian faith, I wanted no part of it. I went down so low that I was at the final edge. At the last second, He brought me back.I went on a big circle and finally He brought me back stronger.

This year I have rededicated myself back to the Lord, renewed my faith. I am attending a Church where He uses His weekly message to tell me that I was in the right path. My faith was renewed. I learn to place my faith and trust to Him and His words instead of His people .I learn that being a christian does not make them good or right ll the time.They are after all just fallible humans who has used their faith for their own ends.

I am glad I found my way home. It was a tough journey and there are still undergrowth to overcome but I am glad I am on my way home.I have a very very long way more to go but now I have Him with me.He sends me blessings after blessings to strengthen where they have weaken brutally. I am thankful every second of my life. I am glad I feel no anger or resentment towards all of them.I only pray that they are lead along the right path and may they lead their life to bring forth more disciples and not otherwise.

My recovery is slow but is there. I pray that with Him by my side, I will lead my life as it pleases Him. I have grown spiritually.I have learn to place my trust in the right place.And I feel a renewed strength and commitment to grow more.

December

December is here and we are fast approaching Christmas. Bu.t this year is so different though it is expected.2 kids away; I wonder how things will be like on Christmas morning.

It is snowing in Glasgow as she prepares for her class tests and handle no-hot-water situation, and postponements of tests due to the bad weather. It is good to see that she is handling everything well and keeping warm in her room.

Over in Batu Pahat, he is wrapping up his last but one posting while preparing for a short break down south.

Another child is moving into his next phase as he closes up one.

My prayer every night is that He watch over them and may they hear and follow His guidance well.

Daddy is fast approaching his retirement date and it is interesting to see so many people tying to adjust to it now.As for himself, I doubt he has much time to think about it because so many things has to be accomplished within the next 6 to 9 months.A number of major decisions are to be made, 2 major trips to consider, literal movement of the house, graduation and posting of a child not forgetting getting adjusted to sleeping and waking late!

Blessings

It came as a pleasant surprise but the present from the company is a blessing. Both of us are brought up thrifty and the question would not be whether we could afford it but I doubt we would spend so much on a holiday trip. Even if we do, we will most probably ponder over it .Neither would we go on a holiday like this without the children. Though they are all adults now but the feeling of a family holiday still persists in us.
So this expensive trip for just the 2 of us is truly a blessing from Him and may we turn it into a praise for Him. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord

Som Ideas I collected (Food)

• Hash brown........heat olive oil,fry 1/2 chopped onion ,1/2 red pepper, stir till soft,add chopped bacon/ham, another couple of minutes, add one potato (1 russet potato, peeled, shredded, squeezed out any water), mix, flatten and cook till crispy like a cake.

• Peanut butter jelly sandwich can be grilled on pan till brown with a bit of butter

• Mashed potatoes can be added with chopped herbs, or onions cooked with sugar or just till soft, cheese

• Sandwich filling...mayo with tomato slices with potato chips

Ideas courtesy of Sam The Cooking Guy by sam zien

Things i Do

Now that hubby will be retiring soon, friends and well wishers including his boss is commenting on how his lifestyle is going to be like. everybody having their own reasons. there are wives who don't fancy having another baby to look after, men friends who feel life will be so bored with the lady of his house (especially when she isn't exactly young, pretty and vibrant, ha ha ha); individuals who hope that he will go on working. Well, I am not worried. If he is bored, I have the whole household to hand over to him from financial to documentation and looking into leaks, talking to the gardener and handling the contractors, JPJ and the list goes on. Whether he is going to enjoy it or not, that I can't guarantee. As for having a SYT to keep him company, obviously it is out of the question :) What I can do is list down the things I do and is fighting time to complete everyday.

I stay in bed in the morning till I am satisfied(most days it is still before 7.30am, how sad). Next I am working hard to complete Christian courses I have been eyeing since before my retirement.I t is something close to my heart. I wanted to spend an hour a day on it but sad to say I have been missing on it 70% of the time. On mornings I could squeeze it in, I am happy and satisfied.

Next I tried to cook as many meals as possible. I like experimenting(especially with another person along) with new ideas, believe a family should have as many meals at home and together as possible to maintain the status of a family.

Reading has been my passion for as long as I could remember. The library is the perfect place to enjoy a morning or afternoon alone.Magazines local and foreign, books on philosophy, fashion, home, crafts, history, culture, religion especially and many other topics can keep me occupied for hours. The only thing I don't read nowadays is science and personal cum work management. I had spend too big a portion of my life on those two topics. The world outside is so big.

Many handicrafts, interest me and I would like to try out a many as possible. I most probable could only turn out half pass six projects but I an intrigue with bead craft, paper craft, needlework, knitting, crochet, tatting, patchwork to name a few.

Of course there are friends and siblings to meet, chat have a coffee with and just oi enjoy each others company. It is a good feeling to know that socialising involved being with those u like to be with and not those you have to be with.These are but some of the things i am doing and there are others too.

All that I have listed will most probably not fall in the category of things my hubby will enjoy when he retire but the point is, how you rediscover your interest s and how you are going to enjoy your next 25 years is up to you. We built our life and tempo up to a frenzy pace the last 30 years, we also need to learn how to slow down and enjoy it.

By the way this is also dedicated to all friends who will retire one of these days and friends whose spouses are going to retire.

Sasame Cookies

A favourite of sister, and all members of the family. A crunchy cookies, not too sweet (but sweetness is enhanced by the lemon essence). I like to crunch on the loose sesame seeds. Made it for Audrey and she enjoyed it.



180 g butter or margarine

180 g Castor sugar (can be reduced till 150 g)

1 egg yolk

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp lemon essence (not that strong but original, not chemical)

129 g plain flour and 120 g s r flour (add 1tsp of baking powder ans 1/2 tsp bic of soda to every 100 g plain flour to get sr flour)

1 tbsp milk

1 cup sesame seeds for rolling

Cream butter ans sugar, add the rest.
spoon batter into cup of sesame, roll to stick on, bake in pan till lightly brown.
170 deg Celsius.

Pondering and thinking

When my eldest left home for further studies, I literary felt as if my arm was pulled off my body. It was the kind of pain that I have no words to describe. I guess only a mother will know.The songs that was played on the radio every morning as I drove to work seems to be directed to the separation and an intentional stab to the heart. The first year was bad. The second year was directed to preparing for the Christmas trip to Europe so the countdown was smaller in number. Following that, it was preparing for the convocation trip so things moved faster again. I survived it.

When the second left the nest, it was bad but the pain was not stabbing as I get to see him every weekend. I seldom have to count beyond all the fingers on one hand before I get to hug him again Plus the fact that skype has improved so much more and I have 2 others children whose life is evolving very fast.

Next was my baby's turn.This time round, she has 2 ko ko to see to many things like giving all the pep talk about staying away from home, the feelings that will creep in, safety, staying with others, food, banking details, what and how to pack,computer needs and even details like how to dry the clothing so that it doesn't creases! Though youngest, she is tough, strong, wise, sensible, independent, matured, all round well equipped. In many ways, I had to admit I wouldn't be more equipped myself if I had to leave home today. By all reasoning, I should be most prepared to let her go. But underneath all that,one can't being a mother. At times, the feelings and pain creeps in.

And all these make me think of 2 things
First is the realisation of how my mother must have felt when I married and had to leave her behind.
Next understanding what the bible meant by 'God so love the world that He gave His one and only son .'

That's a lot to think about on a day I told myself to sit back and relax.