A Sea of Feelings

As the end of the month draws in, I am undergoing a variety of feelings. Sad, happy, relieve, worry, reluctance , giving up,etc.
E will be moving off to to continue his studies. Unlike A he is much nearer and the family will be seeing him much more often. Unlike A he is older and in many ways much more matured and responsible. Unlike A, he is moving in with a group of friends close to him going through the process together. He is also less expressive, keeping a lot of thoughts to himself but not necessarily having less. But what is the difference to a mum? Still a son who is moving on with his life. Another phase where a mum wants to hold on tight to his hand but knows that one shouldn't and mustn't.
A feeling of relieve that one's son is growing up fine and approaching adulthood. A feeling that one more baby is ready to leave the nest. One then wonder if one has done the job well and prepared him for this next part of his journey. Have one done all there is to do? What if one hasn't? What is the next step? Let go and hope for the best? Hold on tight and not let go till one is 100%sure? Will that ever happen? Is these all the imagination of a mother? Is it normal and occur to all mums? Am I more a burden than a help with all these emotions?
His course is not one that he will sail through with minimal effort? Will the distance from home hinder him? What need to be done?
But is having a child within physical reach a solution? One may be near but if the heart is away and can't be reached, accepting the fact is another lesson a mum has to learn. Not an easy one but no doubt one that has to be learned.
During the time of planning, think hard to make sure that all is done to the best. Sit still a while then the emotions settle in in.Looking at a table of dinner with one child less in a moment when soon it will has to be so more often, wondering why the other is choosing not to be there. The occasions to be together as a whole is going to be less and his choices to be away will no doubt hasten the process. Is it fair to expect otherwise from him? Am I asking for too much? Should I just let go? Most probably the answer is yes if a survey is done. Will that make it any easier?
A nostalgic feeling that need to be punctuated with practicality and reality. An emotional time that needs to be awaken with a approach of acceptance. Appreciate what is there and enjoy every moment there is.Push aside all that is negative and re enforce whatever that is positive. What a sea of feelings!Another phase of motherhood. Another phase of life.