So how does one suppose to feel after a wrong affair ended?
Well first of all it all depends on who and then why it ended. If you ended it, chances are you feel relieve the problem is solved. At most you pray the other party is OK by it too.
If the other party ended it, it will be a different story. It is equivalent to being told you have cancer or that you have just received the death sentence. In the same way, only those close to you or love you will feel the same way. To the rest of the world they just don't understand the fuss. Some may even think you ask for it. Feelings includes denial, cheated, unhappy, vengeful and maybe shutting oneself from everything. Eventually you accept it and start to learn to plan your next step. How long this entire process take will depend on individuals.
First the denial cuz you can accept the fact. You don't understand why it has to happen to you. You don't know why you can't have a normal life as others do. After all it wasn't much that you ask. You didn't commit in crime. you just fell in love and wanted something that everybody else is having.
Then you feel angry at the world because it is not fair. The other party did not play fair. Maybe he shouldn't have given you false hope. You were so happy. He shouldn't have allow you to think the wrong thoughts.You wish you could stab him and pain him the same way he pained you. At your sane moments, you know it is wrong to think like that. So you stop. After all you still love him and no way do you want anything unpleasant o happen to him.
You want to be alone because you want to think it out. You want to know what and why it went wrong.Were you the one to blame? When it is futile thinking, you want him to leave you alone and not be the good guy staying around looking out for you. Just in case you can't make it, he can be the hero again. But does it matter would you want him back for the wrong reason? or rather will he take pity on you and just come back. Being me. I will definitely not want him back whatever the reason may be.Though I can't say that others will agree with me.
Finally you woke up fully and accept the reality of things and that it is the end and nothing else can be done about it. Any other pain you inflict onto yourself, you are being even more silly. So you numb yourself.
You look for other avenues for your feelings and hope to be smarter the next time round but unfortunately,we are never smarter. We will repeat the same thing and walk the same path. Maybe with just the extra thought that this time it is for real but is it?
1 comment:
Hmm, I hear you. But this musings brought me to remember a story I was once told. A girl knew she never wanted to love to avoid being hurt. She finally did fall in love and when he left, she crumbled. However, the experience had open her eyes and enriched who she was. Finally, she realised that "it is better to love and be hurt than to never have loved before". Perhaps debatable, but a thought to ponder still.
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