Last weekend has been meaningful. Daddy and A took Monday off and together the family has an outing.Everyone slept in and this is especially so for me and dad cuz we hardly does that. Woke up at 10 and sat down to decide the day's programme.
With the help of A's navigation and E's guide to the food stations, we decided on The Curve. What a difference from those days of going to gardens and parks with prepacked picnics and playground.
We ended up at House of Pancake for brunch which came up to RM150.It was a new idea having savoury and sweet pancakes and at such a price for breakfast! But I guess we would have spend more for a buffet breakfast in a hotel if we were on outstation.
The boys took us walking and I was confused where we were. It started off as the Curve, then Ikano and then Ikea. I decided to just follow them and not let them jab me about being old and dazed. We tried to look at the different microwave and conventional ovens and finally decided on a microwave one which we will buy later at OKR.
At Ikea we finally found the bedroom slippers we wanted for E in S'ban His room down there is marbled floored. Anyway that was Au's belated birthday present for him. Ended the walk to Ikea with Swedish meatballs and light lunch (all were still full from breakfast 3 hours ago) courtesy of A.By then Au was tired and we decided to just sit down for a while.
Next stop was Borders where the 2 younger ones got themselves 2 books with E's credit card. He loves to be able to sign but not pay!!
Back to cinepleasure for Wall-e. Everybody was happy; some for the show while others for the opportunity to sit for 2 hours.
Ended the day with dinner at the Walk.Decided it is a good place for the next family celebration.
The outing was the first we take to replace an outstation trip as a family get together. We all know that these time of outing will be few and far between from now on. As it is, we already feel the strain as A can't join us for many things due to his church commitments. This is so for our trip out on Saturday and Sunday before this. With E going off end of the month, his time for us will be reduced too. What more with his busy schedule. Next year Au will be going to Uni and we are not even sure whether she will be in M'sia after February. It is with a tinge of sadness that the young ones need to fly out of the nest. Soon there will be addition to the family even if they came back who may or may not understand the the family jokes and jest. That is inevitable. For the time being, we just say our thanks for the time together teasing, chatting laughing and just being together
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
A Sea of Feelings
As the end of the month draws in, I am undergoing a variety of feelings. Sad, happy, relieve, worry, reluctance , giving up,etc.
E will be moving off to to continue his studies. Unlike A he is much nearer and the family will be seeing him much more often. Unlike A he is older and in many ways much more matured and responsible. Unlike A, he is moving in with a group of friends close to him going through the process together. He is also less expressive, keeping a lot of thoughts to himself but not necessarily having less. But what is the difference to a mum? Still a son who is moving on with his life. Another phase where a mum wants to hold on tight to his hand but knows that one shouldn't and mustn't.
A feeling of relieve that one's son is growing up fine and approaching adulthood. A feeling that one more baby is ready to leave the nest. One then wonder if one has done the job well and prepared him for this next part of his journey. Have one done all there is to do? What if one hasn't? What is the next step? Let go and hope for the best? Hold on tight and not let go till one is 100%sure? Will that ever happen? Is these all the imagination of a mother? Is it normal and occur to all mums? Am I more a burden than a help with all these emotions?
His course is not one that he will sail through with minimal effort? Will the distance from home hinder him? What need to be done?
But is having a child within physical reach a solution? One may be near but if the heart is away and can't be reached, accepting the fact is another lesson a mum has to learn. Not an easy one but no doubt one that has to be learned.
During the time of planning, think hard to make sure that all is done to the best. Sit still a while then the emotions settle in in.Looking at a table of dinner with one child less in a moment when soon it will has to be so more often, wondering why the other is choosing not to be there. The occasions to be together as a whole is going to be less and his choices to be away will no doubt hasten the process. Is it fair to expect otherwise from him? Am I asking for too much? Should I just let go? Most probably the answer is yes if a survey is done. Will that make it any easier?
A nostalgic feeling that need to be punctuated with practicality and reality. An emotional time that needs to be awaken with a approach of acceptance. Appreciate what is there and enjoy every moment there is.Push aside all that is negative and re enforce whatever that is positive. What a sea of feelings!Another phase of motherhood. Another phase of life.
E will be moving off to to continue his studies. Unlike A he is much nearer and the family will be seeing him much more often. Unlike A he is older and in many ways much more matured and responsible. Unlike A, he is moving in with a group of friends close to him going through the process together. He is also less expressive, keeping a lot of thoughts to himself but not necessarily having less. But what is the difference to a mum? Still a son who is moving on with his life. Another phase where a mum wants to hold on tight to his hand but knows that one shouldn't and mustn't.
A feeling of relieve that one's son is growing up fine and approaching adulthood. A feeling that one more baby is ready to leave the nest. One then wonder if one has done the job well and prepared him for this next part of his journey. Have one done all there is to do? What if one hasn't? What is the next step? Let go and hope for the best? Hold on tight and not let go till one is 100%sure? Will that ever happen? Is these all the imagination of a mother? Is it normal and occur to all mums? Am I more a burden than a help with all these emotions?
His course is not one that he will sail through with minimal effort? Will the distance from home hinder him? What need to be done?
But is having a child within physical reach a solution? One may be near but if the heart is away and can't be reached, accepting the fact is another lesson a mum has to learn. Not an easy one but no doubt one that has to be learned.
During the time of planning, think hard to make sure that all is done to the best. Sit still a while then the emotions settle in in.Looking at a table of dinner with one child less in a moment when soon it will has to be so more often, wondering why the other is choosing not to be there. The occasions to be together as a whole is going to be less and his choices to be away will no doubt hasten the process. Is it fair to expect otherwise from him? Am I asking for too much? Should I just let go? Most probably the answer is yes if a survey is done. Will that make it any easier?
A nostalgic feeling that need to be punctuated with practicality and reality. An emotional time that needs to be awaken with a approach of acceptance. Appreciate what is there and enjoy every moment there is.Push aside all that is negative and re enforce whatever that is positive. What a sea of feelings!Another phase of motherhood. Another phase of life.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Loving What You Do
Was on the mail with a close friend who is better than me in that she is still 'surviving' in the service.
Sad thing is that she is feeling tired and is wondering what her next step should be. This got me thinking on the paradox-like situation. She who is dedicated is tired and needed the rest. But if she rest, it is a lost to others.
She who view the profession as a form of passing time will never be tired. She in turn will stay on and on but with no passion for the job.The clients in turn will not receive what is due to them.
If I had been able to let go and just sit it out like my 'superior' at PPD advised, wouldn't I be still in the service?. Wouldn't I have benefited from the extra income?
But then will that be me? No.If I couldn't even take my medical leave and recover, how could I sit in the chair and do the minimum.
Bottom line is ..... we do what we feel we need to do. As I always tell the children, there can never be a right or wrong decision. We can never run our life twice parallel with that one different decision so how are we to know if the particular decision is right or wrong.
More important is before making a decision,we should consider as many aspect as we can and choose the path we think is best. Once decided ,never look back. Look only forward and take the next possible positive action.
Unconsciously, I have always subscribe to this. That is why from young, whenever I was asked if I have any regrets the answer is always in the negative. Over love, over family, over my career and my actions. I believe in loving all you can, giving my best, working out every obstacles the best way I could find and more importantly, never expecting returns.They will come if it is to be.Otherwise, happiness should be just doing it. If along the way we could help others, all is well. If we can't help others, at least try not to hurt others. ( at the same tone, I would also declare that I for one will not insist if others resist.That means never say no to me . I will not extend the hand again. Is that bad? well................................ I don't know but for the time being that is me!)
ps ST ,everything will be OK. There is no wrong decision . Will stand by you whatever you do. love
Sad thing is that she is feeling tired and is wondering what her next step should be. This got me thinking on the paradox-like situation. She who is dedicated is tired and needed the rest. But if she rest, it is a lost to others.
She who view the profession as a form of passing time will never be tired. She in turn will stay on and on but with no passion for the job.The clients in turn will not receive what is due to them.
If I had been able to let go and just sit it out like my 'superior' at PPD advised, wouldn't I be still in the service?. Wouldn't I have benefited from the extra income?
But then will that be me? No.If I couldn't even take my medical leave and recover, how could I sit in the chair and do the minimum.
Bottom line is ..... we do what we feel we need to do. As I always tell the children, there can never be a right or wrong decision. We can never run our life twice parallel with that one different decision so how are we to know if the particular decision is right or wrong.
More important is before making a decision,we should consider as many aspect as we can and choose the path we think is best. Once decided ,never look back. Look only forward and take the next possible positive action.
Unconsciously, I have always subscribe to this. That is why from young, whenever I was asked if I have any regrets the answer is always in the negative. Over love, over family, over my career and my actions. I believe in loving all you can, giving my best, working out every obstacles the best way I could find and more importantly, never expecting returns.They will come if it is to be.Otherwise, happiness should be just doing it. If along the way we could help others, all is well. If we can't help others, at least try not to hurt others. ( at the same tone, I would also declare that I for one will not insist if others resist.That means never say no to me . I will not extend the hand again. Is that bad? well................................ I don't know but for the time being that is me!)
ps ST ,everything will be OK. There is no wrong decision . Will stand by you whatever you do. love
Saturday, August 2, 2008
After a Love Affair Ends
So how does one suppose to feel after a wrong affair ended?
Well first of all it all depends on who and then why it ended. If you ended it, chances are you feel relieve the problem is solved. At most you pray the other party is OK by it too.
If the other party ended it, it will be a different story. It is equivalent to being told you have cancer or that you have just received the death sentence. In the same way, only those close to you or love you will feel the same way. To the rest of the world they just don't understand the fuss. Some may even think you ask for it. Feelings includes denial, cheated, unhappy, vengeful and maybe shutting oneself from everything. Eventually you accept it and start to learn to plan your next step. How long this entire process take will depend on individuals.
First the denial cuz you can accept the fact. You don't understand why it has to happen to you. You don't know why you can't have a normal life as others do. After all it wasn't much that you ask. You didn't commit in crime. you just fell in love and wanted something that everybody else is having.
Then you feel angry at the world because it is not fair. The other party did not play fair. Maybe he shouldn't have given you false hope. You were so happy. He shouldn't have allow you to think the wrong thoughts.You wish you could stab him and pain him the same way he pained you. At your sane moments, you know it is wrong to think like that. So you stop. After all you still love him and no way do you want anything unpleasant o happen to him.
You want to be alone because you want to think it out. You want to know what and why it went wrong.Were you the one to blame? When it is futile thinking, you want him to leave you alone and not be the good guy staying around looking out for you. Just in case you can't make it, he can be the hero again. But does it matter would you want him back for the wrong reason? or rather will he take pity on you and just come back. Being me. I will definitely not want him back whatever the reason may be.Though I can't say that others will agree with me.
Finally you woke up fully and accept the reality of things and that it is the end and nothing else can be done about it. Any other pain you inflict onto yourself, you are being even more silly. So you numb yourself.
You look for other avenues for your feelings and hope to be smarter the next time round but unfortunately,we are never smarter. We will repeat the same thing and walk the same path. Maybe with just the extra thought that this time it is for real but is it?
Well first of all it all depends on who and then why it ended. If you ended it, chances are you feel relieve the problem is solved. At most you pray the other party is OK by it too.
If the other party ended it, it will be a different story. It is equivalent to being told you have cancer or that you have just received the death sentence. In the same way, only those close to you or love you will feel the same way. To the rest of the world they just don't understand the fuss. Some may even think you ask for it. Feelings includes denial, cheated, unhappy, vengeful and maybe shutting oneself from everything. Eventually you accept it and start to learn to plan your next step. How long this entire process take will depend on individuals.
First the denial cuz you can accept the fact. You don't understand why it has to happen to you. You don't know why you can't have a normal life as others do. After all it wasn't much that you ask. You didn't commit in crime. you just fell in love and wanted something that everybody else is having.
Then you feel angry at the world because it is not fair. The other party did not play fair. Maybe he shouldn't have given you false hope. You were so happy. He shouldn't have allow you to think the wrong thoughts.You wish you could stab him and pain him the same way he pained you. At your sane moments, you know it is wrong to think like that. So you stop. After all you still love him and no way do you want anything unpleasant o happen to him.
You want to be alone because you want to think it out. You want to know what and why it went wrong.Were you the one to blame? When it is futile thinking, you want him to leave you alone and not be the good guy staying around looking out for you. Just in case you can't make it, he can be the hero again. But does it matter would you want him back for the wrong reason? or rather will he take pity on you and just come back. Being me. I will definitely not want him back whatever the reason may be.Though I can't say that others will agree with me.
Finally you woke up fully and accept the reality of things and that it is the end and nothing else can be done about it. Any other pain you inflict onto yourself, you are being even more silly. So you numb yourself.
You look for other avenues for your feelings and hope to be smarter the next time round but unfortunately,we are never smarter. We will repeat the same thing and walk the same path. Maybe with just the extra thought that this time it is for real but is it?
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