Weekend Off

Last weekend, the five of us had a short trip to PD. It was planned as an after-Ed's-exam celebration and it was good that we truly celebrated as he made it through his first professional paper.I have noticed that others always seems to have more confidence in my children but being parents, we were always ready for all eventuality. Antway we say our thanksgiving and we had a slow relaxing weekend at the Avillion Admiral Cove. Nice cosy place. Took a good look at yatch that we will never own! And just a chance for the family to sit down and yak the world away.The siblings were happy to be able to tease and bully each other.Daddy forgot the coupons and had to pay for the rooms in full. Mummy just tag along, stared into space and say my thanks again and again.

Punishment

One day last week, little daughter came back and asked me how was she punished when she was young. Apparently, her friends and her were exchanging notes on the subject and she realised she has nothing to contribute.
Actually it is the truth. Hubby and me has never really need to punish the kids. Fair enough first time parents, when Ad was born, I did cane him once. That enrage my mum and it hurts me trerribly so that was the end of the rotan.Subsequently I only remember having to give the look of non approval for discipline. I always said that I am truly blessed with good kids and I am yet to regret not using any physical kind of punishment.
Praise the Lord.

Fair as in Equal

The word 'fair" has always been known to mean equality to me. In all I do, I try my utmost to be fair. When I handled students, I make sure my conscience says it is justified and fair. When I deal with teachers, I make sure I have a reason for all I do.

In my personal life, I don't like to impost. I remind myself never to use guilt. All my children should be treated equally in love, attention and every other aspect. If I could I don't bother my husband about many things especially if it is unpleasant as I know he has his own problems and challenges in life.Why then when I am at the receiving end, I find things so unfair.(I can't substitute it with any other word less harsh)

My mother in law has 7 children but I alone had to live with her for the last 22 years with practically no help from my in laws. Her welfare is my family to bear. Giving her pocket money, her up keeping, medical, travels and all her whims and fancies were met. She is taken to all the places she wanted to go every weekend and brought back home the instant she wants it.All other things is of no interest to her.In return she control my life. I can't go on holidays as it upsets her. I can't run my house as I wanted too because she wouldn't look like the lady boss of the house. Imagine the house was bought with my hard earn money. She decides my maid, my meals menu, eats only what she likes, believes that all hers is hers and all mine is also hers.
I am the only one who listens to her complains and unhappiness. Worst still in front of others she is totally different.
On the other hand, my mother gave birth to me and brought me up. I had never given her anything that I gave my mother in law. I had never took her everywhere she wants to go. She never got to stay in the house that I bought. I never had the chance to pay for her finances because she is always worried that I don't have enough. She never demand for my attention.
When problems comes up, my in laws says they will look into It but after everything is still the same. My husband says he can handle her but she is only mine to bear.
Am I the only daughter in law?
Did I owe her in my last life?
Is this fair to me?
Don't I have the right to life my own life?
At which point will I be free of her?

I gave my best to my kids. Today I have a son who says that God and church is over and above me.I cook and wash and iron for him while do charity at church.I spend hundreds of thousands of ringgit on him and he priority is to give to the church pastor. What I am for the last 25 years ? Charity home? chopped liver?

Don't mention the word fair to me.Don't mention the word brownie points to me. Don't tell me it is a test from God.Don't tell me I am irrational. Don't tell me it all part of a circle. Because I am angry. I am disappointed. I am beginning to wonder if I need to make drastic changes. I am wondering if I had been stupid for more than a quarter of a century. I am thinking if it is time I put myself first.

Raisin Cake

Ed came back this weekend for a break away from medical terms. As a mid break from exams.
Decided not to use any cocoa for any baking so not to get him all heated up.
First of all tried a coconut cookie biscuit. Actually it sound like just an ordinary cookie with coconut added in it. Not much aroma except for butter cookie smell.Declared out of my recipe list.
2. next decided on a raisin cake . Pretty safe. Soaked raisins in brandy till hubby exclaimed the price of brandy. heh heh heh.
Just a normal butter 250 g butter pound cake. Raisins soaked better at room temperature.Flour the raisins but half of them still sink.Otherwise not much to comment on. Didn't expect much and didn't learn much. By the way brandy didn't didn't go too well with Ad so he ate the cake part while we eat the raisins. Oh, used normal flour with bicarbonate of soda and baking powder.

Hazelnut Sugi Cookies

Tried this out over the weekend as there were leftover sugi in the fridge.

Original recipe

125 g butter
75 g icing sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp orange juice
180 g s r flour
1/2 tsp bic of soda
40 g sugi
1 egg yolk
1 egg white for brushing
30 g walnut halves to be place on top

Adjustments

sugar can lowered
add rind from the orange to give a wonderful fruity aroma
no sr flour so just pour more baking powder
bic of soda pun sudah habis jadi tak masuk
60 g of sugi was used to give more crunch
egg white forgotten to beat but still gave good glaze
roasted almonds was used

* must learn to take and put in photos

verdict.
not enough
make some more
can repeat.



changes made

Our Daily Bread

Love what is said today. How true.

sociology

When I was first introduced to this subject 31 years ago, it was defined as the study of human with his social surroundings. No man is an island. the only way one can avoid social contact is to live like a hermit up in the hill. but then if we think a little deeper, one still interact with the fauna and flora which in turn will affect others including humans. Bottom line is, you can't escape. So we need to give others consideration. We have no choice. We let them settle in our lifes in their own ways.
In living with others, I like to remember that I am what I am due to others. Everyone I met has a contribution to what I am today. I have parents who gave me life and love meunconditionally giving me all the best and taking second best themselves. Being a parent now, I understand them much better today and understood what they went through.
People I met and came in contact broadened my views and exposes me to the reality of life. Authors who wrote provokes my thoughts I gathered the happiness and the bitterness of life and I am still learning and gathering. Till the day I breath my last, I will be learning.
I understand and accept their contributions with their roles and plan to be a better person as life goes on. I may have my own thoughts and opinions but I have no wish to hurt others who differ from me. (If I can help, at least let me not hurt)I honour my parents and place them high on my hierachy of importance. But that does not mean I don't honour God. I did my best in life to make them proud of me showing them that I appreciate their sacrifice. And that does not mean that God has no role in my lifet.Doing my physical best and accepting God's role in my live is like loving your husband and your children. Loving him more does not mean I love my children less.Accepting faith and taking an active part in my life can run hand in hand and do not mean I am putting one down for another.
p.s
hopefully this ends my present series of deep thoughts and putting in line disturbing opinions.

Feelings

If you feel good, it is right. If you don't feel good, something is not right. When one has a pure heart and have no ill intentions towards others, that is how one should feel. We all have something called concious, little voice, instinct or whatever name you may want to call it that guides us.Whether we listen to it or not is one's choice.For me, I listen to it a lot.So far it hasn't taken me to any pits.
If I don't feel good about something, I am ready to be convinced otherwise but I believe that I should feel good in the end for it to be right.
I reserve the human right to feel. I won't insist on others agreeing nor do I intend to force my opinions onto others. (as a matter of fact, I hate to forcefully argue out things. it never make me happy irregardless the results). You can and might hurt me. That is yours to answer. I feel good when I still approach you with the purest of heart.You may not appreciate it or know it or think it is right. It is ok. I am 52 . I have given my best to my career (with my guiding voice by my side) and have done my best for the generations before and after me.I look for no gratitude nor rewards.At present, I just want o be entitled to my opinions.Until such times that anyone can change them and make me feel good about it., That will be me.
If doing things in sincerity is not sufficient for any parties, we just differ.
For those who don't follow my latest blogs,it is ok.one day you may or you may never do but it doesn't really matter.They are just my reflections and thoughts ... just as my blog title says so.

It

I thought that it was it. When those whom you love got it, you thought they will be safe and you need not worry anymore. So you send one out to get it and then lo and behold, you found out that it isn't what you thought it is You woke up and try to return it. You found out that you can't.The one you send too does not want it returned.
so ....................... now you accept it. You accept that it was it. Whether it was the right one or not, it is here to stay. From now on, you have to live with it.You hope that it doesn't spread to others or that if it is the wrong one, the right one will turn up soon. In the meantime, you turn to it and ask, ................. what went wrong?

nightmare or reality show

There are times in our life that we were terrified till we cold sweat. Then we woke up and is relief to find out that it was just a bad dream or a nightmare. But ....
there are also times when we are rudely awaken from a blissful ignorance to discover that the ugly truth is right there glaring at our eyes. It is times like these that you wish you could turn the clock back. When you realise you can't, you then resign to the reality of life and offer everything to fate or faith whichever you prefer.