This month is a month where I feel as if I am floating in a crowd. As if I am standing in a crowded train station not walking but being carried by the crowd into the train. No turning back, no planning your next step. One just stand and cannot help but be carried forward not by choice but by events. No stopping for whatever reasons. Not wanting it to go on but nothing you can do. No turning back.
When I was at the delivery room, when the pain is most intense, I felt I could not take it, I wanted to say, stop it, wait, I am not ready but the baby hears not. I cried now too but circumstances too do not hear me. I will survive both time but I do not have a lovely baby to bring home this time. Only memories of a good month kept in my mind.
