I am surprised that I wrote this year. It seems like ages .
This year has been one of the most challenging year in my life. Met the first death of a sibling. Was an eye opening even though it was expected. Hit hard at the face that death is near we are all ageing.
Next health wise, I haven't been well ever since I can remember. Not sick enough to cause a panic but bad enough to cause unrest, distress and overall depressing mood all year round. As the year end, things are not getting better. The problems are accumulating.
From the bleeding in my gums, to the fear of losing my teeth, fear of mouth cancer, neck and shoulder pains, heel pains, fear of tumour all has been racing through my mind non stop and sad to say it hasn't stopped. It hasn't ended neither do I see the end of the tunnel.
Where to I turn to? I had my faith and that too has became a challenge as I suffer in silent. Only lately do I dare to share with my husband. I questioned my God, I pleaded, I prayed, I scream silently, I mourned; what else have I not done. I searched through my bible for an answer. Silence. I know He is there but the silence is deafening. Is it my fault ? What is wrong? Why? How? It hasn't stopped. When will it end? Have I reached my lowest or is there much more to go on? Will I ever get out of this? Will it end with my death? What is happening at my mind? My thoughts?
Am I going mad? Am I going through depression?
What a year it has been.
Should I freeze my thoughts and my mind? Problems do not see the gregorian calendar. They do not know that it is December. They only take a rest if they kind enough? They have not gone away.
