Surrender

this morning I know the most important reason why I am not going for chemotherapy any more.
It not only bring the worse of my character and temper, it takes me away from my God.
Yesterday at the specialist dentist, I was taken aback when he prayed for me. I now realised that God has been really really sending his people around me every corner I turn. The oncologist the dentists,he hasn't left me.
But in my pain and desperation I had been unfaithful. I doubted him and I shut him out. I am sorry God. I am so sorry. At that instant I realised cannot let this cancer treatment do that to me. I am now more sure it is s the right decision to make. I cannot let it take my god away from me.
Today I am going to surrender not only my soul and spirit but literally my body over to Him. It is His temple after all. My job is yo keep it as clean as possible. The rest is His to do. The day will come when he decides the take my soul back and throw away this body. I will be there in no pain to say. Your will not mine