Fair as in Equal

The word 'fair" has always been known to mean equality to me. In all I do, I try my utmost to be fair. When I handled students, I make sure my conscience says it is justified and fair. When I deal with teachers, I make sure I have a reason for all I do.

In my personal life, I don't like to impost. I remind myself never to use guilt. All my children should be treated equally in love, attention and every other aspect. If I could I don't bother my husband about many things especially if it is unpleasant as I know he has his own problems and challenges in life.Why then when I am at the receiving end, I find things so unfair.(I can't substitute it with any other word less harsh)

My mother in law has 7 children but I alone had to live with her for the last 22 years with practically no help from my in laws. Her welfare is my family to bear. Giving her pocket money, her up keeping, medical, travels and all her whims and fancies were met. She is taken to all the places she wanted to go every weekend and brought back home the instant she wants it.All other things is of no interest to her.In return she control my life. I can't go on holidays as it upsets her. I can't run my house as I wanted too because she wouldn't look like the lady boss of the house. Imagine the house was bought with my hard earn money. She decides my maid, my meals menu, eats only what she likes, believes that all hers is hers and all mine is also hers.
I am the only one who listens to her complains and unhappiness. Worst still in front of others she is totally different.
On the other hand, my mother gave birth to me and brought me up. I had never given her anything that I gave my mother in law. I had never took her everywhere she wants to go. She never got to stay in the house that I bought. I never had the chance to pay for her finances because she is always worried that I don't have enough. She never demand for my attention.
When problems comes up, my in laws says they will look into It but after everything is still the same. My husband says he can handle her but she is only mine to bear.
Am I the only daughter in law?
Did I owe her in my last life?
Is this fair to me?
Don't I have the right to life my own life?
At which point will I be free of her?

I gave my best to my kids. Today I have a son who says that God and church is over and above me.I cook and wash and iron for him while do charity at church.I spend hundreds of thousands of ringgit on him and he priority is to give to the church pastor. What I am for the last 25 years ? Charity home? chopped liver?

Don't mention the word fair to me.Don't mention the word brownie points to me. Don't tell me it is a test from God.Don't tell me I am irrational. Don't tell me it all part of a circle. Because I am angry. I am disappointed. I am beginning to wonder if I need to make drastic changes. I am wondering if I had been stupid for more than a quarter of a century. I am thinking if it is time I put myself first.