2010 has been a happening year for me. It marked many things very personal to me, I may not remember the year as 2010 in years to come(who knows as age catches up and memory fades) but I will definitely remember the events.
4 years ago, I was hurt so bad that I lost myself. I lost myself mentally and I lost myself spiritually. Mentally because of the emotional pain of being pushed, battered undergoing a feeling of being cornered with nothing but the worst path to take.Spiritually because of the disappointments with so-called Christians who professes to be the know all.
There was one who thinks she knows me, gave me an analyse of me,backbite me and went off to east Malaysia without daring to face me. Another who played the role of a perfect 2 headed snake , ambitious, willing to do all things to get what she wanted and she found the perfect pawn. The third who was the pawn was a simple stupid (sorry I couldn't think of a more accurate description) one who allowed herself to be twisted and turned and used.An elder who out of faith thinks she was helping but actually invaded into my personal spiritual life under false pretence.I believed her and it hurts further to discovered how she lied to me.
Because she was chosen by the church and has all the avenues, she garnered support from the right people,played her moves to achieve her objective. By the time others discovered how I was victimised, I have lost all hope to fight back(not that I did earlier because, I was naif enough not to know any of the plots till it was all over),Me on the receiving end battered and sored finally lost my hope, and vision of my faith. I decided then that if that was the christian faith, I wanted no part of it. I went down so low that I was at the final edge. At the last second, He brought me back.I went on a big circle and finally He brought me back stronger.
This year I have rededicated myself back to the Lord, renewed my faith. I am attending a Church where He uses His weekly message to tell me that I was in the right path. My faith was renewed. I learn to place my faith and trust to Him and His words instead of His people .I learn that being a christian does not make them good or right ll the time.They are after all just fallible humans who has used their faith for their own ends.
I am glad I found my way home. It was a tough journey and there are still undergrowth to overcome but I am glad I am on my way home.I have a very very long way more to go but now I have Him with me.He sends me blessings after blessings to strengthen where they have weaken brutally. I am thankful every second of my life. I am glad I feel no anger or resentment towards all of them.I only pray that they are lead along the right path and may they lead their life to bring forth more disciples and not otherwise.
My recovery is slow but is there. I pray that with Him by my side, I will lead my life as it pleases Him. I have grown spiritually.I have learn to place my trust in the right place.And I feel a renewed strength and commitment to grow more.
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