Some days I woke up fresh and ready to go. Somedays I wake up all tired and wanted to crawl under the blanket.And there are days when you decided to wake up, stand up firm and state your stand. Today is one of those days for me.
Starting from my maternal grandma, we hold the ancient chinese character of 'yun'. It incoperates tolerates, acceptances, swallowing the bitter quietly and avoiding conflicts.I can't think of an english equivalent word.My grandma was a second wife of a rich herbal merchant. Being the second wife in a large extended family was not easy.The first wife treated her well (basing on my mother's stories) but the children from the first wife definitely saw her as a threat and regarfed her as a maid. Anyway she is a soft spoken gentle lady (with all the hard work, her hands are as soft as candy) and you never hear her voice above a certain decibel. Whenever we spoke of how she is treated, she will smile and tell us to 'yun'.
Next come my mother She is well educated and refined. For a lady at her times(early 1900s) she is an accounting graduate,plays the classical musical instuments and and does emboideries beautifully. If she sees any of my needlework today, she will turn in her grave! She again resembles her mother in subscibing to 'yun'. No quarrels no shouting but she does shows her displeasure at times.Until I am married, I have NEVER heard a profanity murmured.
Coming to my sister and I, we are still strongly influenced. When we meet with unpleasant people ,our first instint is to avoid.When we have nasty colleagues and bosses, we were train to walk off rather than confront. I can't speak for my sister, but for me, I still hates to confront. I move off, I steer clear and in the case of my career, I was even ready to quit than to creat a scene or involved anybody else. It is funny how so many of her level so called friemds decided to stand up for me and was all ready to storm it out with her for me!
In the home front, I allowed my MIL to rule my home and life all these years. Not because I like it but just to keep the peace. Any unhappy feelings, I keep to myself. I refraim from shouting and telling people off. As long as it doesn't hurt my chidren, I stomach it because they are the most important people in my life.
But today (though I don't know if it will last), I decided to make my stand. I decided that there is no need to be a nice guy at the expence of myself. TOday I decided I am important I will call a spade a spade, tell things as it is even if it will cause hurt.My children are big enough and they are ready to be on their own.It is time for me to let go of them. I am ready to stand up and be counted. I can and will make decisions if it comes to it and I will survived.
I am sorry mummy and grandma that I have evolved from you all but I believe sometimes we need to be counted.
4 comments:
Everyone needs to be counted. Simply because the principle of "yun" worked for them, it doesn't mean it will for you. Life is a balance. Tolerate because you can but also stand up and fight because you can. Make sense?
I guess it should be stand and fight when you have too. There are so many consequences to consider so much so it is like geing in muddle-land but thanks for the clear input
"I do not want to fight but I will if I have to"
I think that's a good saying. The principle of "yun" works when the problems are not significant. But sometimes, there are issues we just have to stand up for. I think we just need to think long term and see whether is it worthwhile standing up now versus keeping it quiet.
Yer, it is a case of balance after considering all reactions.
Post a Comment