Since the last time I blog, so many things have gone through my head and this time I really don't know where to start to put them in words. I really don't know.
I thought of my mother whom I lost 17 years ago and the things we went through together. Did I love her enough? I wish I could have don't more for her but I know I can't due to my own shortcomings and my immediate family. Sadly also, I know deep down why it happened.
I thought of my one and only sister. She whom I love and feel close to.How she love me and love my children. It touches deep and that is where I am grateful to my parents and siblings for teaching me to love deeply and passionately. Later I will decide if it went over the limit to spoiling. For now, I just love and care as I feel it.
My eldest son as he goes through his patch of life.Where he stand or rather where all of us stand.Right or wrong, should or shouldn't. How, why.
Myself...... I have turn to telling instead of asking.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
To my 3 kids
In the course of the conversation during the Raya's meet, we teased LP when we found out that she bought the house next door. We wanted to know if it is in anticipation of an addition to the family (we were referring to a daughter-in-law and not a new baby! Don't think any of us are still in that category!)
It brought me to think about the next phase of the family.The arrival of an in law not that it is any time soon but the reality is there.How will she or he take to the family and what precautions do we need to be aware of to welcome him or her. Gosh it sound like some physics experiment but actually it is because my command of English is not good enough to make it sounds right.
Our family is a very closely knitted one. As a parent, one can be proud to see the kids being so close to their siblings loving caring teasing hugging and missing each other sincerely in time of absence.To date, they are still sharing most of their thoughts and problems with us. But how does the new addition take to these?
As parents, we have to learnt to let go and let the union be one. At a church wedding a pastor once said it is a union of a man and a woman and the couple need to leave the parents. I wasn't sure what he meant by 'leave' but I have my own interpretation. To 'leave ' is to mean that the parents must respect and understand that the couple need to live their own life with minimum interference. They have the right to make their own decisions. We need to take a step back. But 'leave' doesn't mean to be detached from them. We still have a role to play when advice is asked for.Words of caution could be given when needed.In other words stay at a distance.SF mentioned of a divorce when the husband is too attached to the mother and it didn't go down well with the wife. On the tone, I guess I need to caution against too much hugging and kissing!As a parent, if they ever need to choose, I would rather they choose their spouse than me. That is why I always felt that the most important thing in the choice of a life partner is that there is a strong love between them and not skin colour, religion or physical beauty.
I need to declare that these are my personal thoughts and reflections. I stand corrected in future but until such time, the kids are welcomed to remind me of this post. Love from mummy.
It brought me to think about the next phase of the family.The arrival of an in law not that it is any time soon but the reality is there.How will she or he take to the family and what precautions do we need to be aware of to welcome him or her. Gosh it sound like some physics experiment but actually it is because my command of English is not good enough to make it sounds right.
Our family is a very closely knitted one. As a parent, one can be proud to see the kids being so close to their siblings loving caring teasing hugging and missing each other sincerely in time of absence.To date, they are still sharing most of their thoughts and problems with us. But how does the new addition take to these?
As parents, we have to learnt to let go and let the union be one. At a church wedding a pastor once said it is a union of a man and a woman and the couple need to leave the parents. I wasn't sure what he meant by 'leave' but I have my own interpretation. To 'leave ' is to mean that the parents must respect and understand that the couple need to live their own life with minimum interference. They have the right to make their own decisions. We need to take a step back. But 'leave' doesn't mean to be detached from them. We still have a role to play when advice is asked for.Words of caution could be given when needed.In other words stay at a distance.SF mentioned of a divorce when the husband is too attached to the mother and it didn't go down well with the wife. On the tone, I guess I need to caution against too much hugging and kissing!As a parent, if they ever need to choose, I would rather they choose their spouse than me. That is why I always felt that the most important thing in the choice of a life partner is that there is a strong love between them and not skin colour, religion or physical beauty.
I need to declare that these are my personal thoughts and reflections. I stand corrected in future but until such time, the kids are welcomed to remind me of this post. Love from mummy.
Meeting Up
Two weeks of absence but I didn't forget about you. As usual I had been blogging in my head!!!
Raya week was a good week. It started with daddy away for his quarter meeting and since grandma wasn't around I had a good time with the kids; planning, cooking and just relaxing. Au and me followed daddy to Seremban and after waking up Ed, had breakfast with his friends and enjoyed a leisurely drive back to KL.Of course, the kids insist I was checking Ed's room after 1 month. Well I did look around and clean some things (which mother wouldn't)but I declare and insist I wasn't checking on him. Mummy's honour...... not that it mean anything to the kids!
During raya's first day, old friends (old old friends as in school mates!) meet up. Thank you to SF for arranging. Suppose to be tea potluck style. Ended with 2 contribution of egg tarts, 2 contributions of cakes plus bubur and rojak. That's what you get when nobody wanted to commit earlier their contributions. But it doesn't matter. we still had a good time and I hope the 2 hubbies didn't have much to complain to their wives.
It is always refreshing to meet up old friends. I enjoy the carefree talk and the exchange of news.Maybe after being in the working world so long, I miss genuine friends. (as I blogged before)Talk that has no trace of keeping up with the next one, not deciding if the topic of conversation is safe, if what you said will used against you etc. Yes, I have no regrets keeping the friends that I have and I hope to enlarge this circle of friends.
Thanks again SF for making the effort and thanks too to SF, LP, LS and KW for being friends.
Raya week was a good week. It started with daddy away for his quarter meeting and since grandma wasn't around I had a good time with the kids; planning, cooking and just relaxing. Au and me followed daddy to Seremban and after waking up Ed, had breakfast with his friends and enjoyed a leisurely drive back to KL.Of course, the kids insist I was checking Ed's room after 1 month. Well I did look around and clean some things (which mother wouldn't)but I declare and insist I wasn't checking on him. Mummy's honour...... not that it mean anything to the kids!
During raya's first day, old friends (old old friends as in school mates!) meet up. Thank you to SF for arranging. Suppose to be tea potluck style. Ended with 2 contribution of egg tarts, 2 contributions of cakes plus bubur and rojak. That's what you get when nobody wanted to commit earlier their contributions. But it doesn't matter. we still had a good time and I hope the 2 hubbies didn't have much to complain to their wives.
It is always refreshing to meet up old friends. I enjoy the carefree talk and the exchange of news.Maybe after being in the working world so long, I miss genuine friends. (as I blogged before)Talk that has no trace of keeping up with the next one, not deciding if the topic of conversation is safe, if what you said will used against you etc. Yes, I have no regrets keeping the friends that I have and I hope to enlarge this circle of friends.
Thanks again SF for making the effort and thanks too to SF, LP, LS and KW for being friends.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Religion
I have pondered over this question many a time. It is strictly my own assessment and not any particular religion’s philosophy so please don't come attacking me that it is wrong. It might be wrong to your faith but they are my own thoughts till I change them.
Is it a way of life and the way of thinking to help us through life? It sounds like a set of thoughts and rules to follow and to have total trust.
For me, I always believe there is a God and He is almighty. He decides and rule over all. We can plan but He decides. But I believe too that He gave us a brain so He expects us to use it too. Not only to decide His role but to be conscious of consequences and results. Some call for blind fate. It is good if one can attain it. Then all one does is sits on the train and do as one feels since He is at the wheel and He knows all. What a blissful way to live this life? But what if it has consequences on others. What if the train causes accidents and hurt others along the way. What if others you love are not on the train? Do we leave them behind if they refuse to get on? After all we are on it? Isn’t it selfish? I don’t think I can do that. I will get off the train and do what I can to help those that are not on it. It is good to find bliss for oneself but we are not solitary. There are others and if I am to attain bliss through their pain, I won't want it. No one wants Hell. I don't either but if the fare is bought by the expense of others,( believers or otherwise), I want to reconsider.
Life is a series of tests by Him. He is supposed to only give tests that we can pass. How do we explain those who fail and maybe take their own life? Maybe then we say they don't have enough fate. If that is so, then it boils down on them again and it is their own fault.So you are responsible for yourself. Then you are alone again isn’t it so?
Afterlife. This life is temporary. This I believe so. We have a number of years here only. I strongly believe I am here on borrowed time and I will leave one day decided by Him. While I am here I believe I should do the best I can with this life but not so much to be rewarded in the next life but because I believe we are all here for a purpose. So I will always go ahead and do what the inner voice says so. Be it from God, my conscience or otherwise.
Wow reading back, if I am in any specific congregation, I am sure I will be called up for counseling. ; ) ha ha ha But then I am not and I will find it difficult to associate myself to any particular ideology as long as I am not prepare to take a gamble on humans. I prefer to get my message from Him direct in this complex world.
Is it a way of life and the way of thinking to help us through life? It sounds like a set of thoughts and rules to follow and to have total trust.
For me, I always believe there is a God and He is almighty. He decides and rule over all. We can plan but He decides. But I believe too that He gave us a brain so He expects us to use it too. Not only to decide His role but to be conscious of consequences and results. Some call for blind fate. It is good if one can attain it. Then all one does is sits on the train and do as one feels since He is at the wheel and He knows all. What a blissful way to live this life? But what if it has consequences on others. What if the train causes accidents and hurt others along the way. What if others you love are not on the train? Do we leave them behind if they refuse to get on? After all we are on it? Isn’t it selfish? I don’t think I can do that. I will get off the train and do what I can to help those that are not on it. It is good to find bliss for oneself but we are not solitary. There are others and if I am to attain bliss through their pain, I won't want it. No one wants Hell. I don't either but if the fare is bought by the expense of others,( believers or otherwise), I want to reconsider.
Life is a series of tests by Him. He is supposed to only give tests that we can pass. How do we explain those who fail and maybe take their own life? Maybe then we say they don't have enough fate. If that is so, then it boils down on them again and it is their own fault.So you are responsible for yourself. Then you are alone again isn’t it so?
Afterlife. This life is temporary. This I believe so. We have a number of years here only. I strongly believe I am here on borrowed time and I will leave one day decided by Him. While I am here I believe I should do the best I can with this life but not so much to be rewarded in the next life but because I believe we are all here for a purpose. So I will always go ahead and do what the inner voice says so. Be it from God, my conscience or otherwise.
Wow reading back, if I am in any specific congregation, I am sure I will be called up for counseling. ; ) ha ha ha But then I am not and I will find it difficult to associate myself to any particular ideology as long as I am not prepare to take a gamble on humans. I prefer to get my message from Him direct in this complex world.
Scenarios
- Child goes oversea to study. Towards the end of study, decided that course was not the one he wanted so decided to quit and rest for a period (probably running into months or years) before deciding further. In the meantime family just wait and pray.
Child went oversea to work. After an initial period of communication, stop all contacts with family. Family at a lost of what to do.
Child decides to take off after period of time to do non financial returning work for self satisfaction. Parents are expected to continue supporting them financially.
Child comes home to introduce his or spouse. FAmily to accept their sudden appearance and accept it.
Child came back bundling his or her spouse with children saying he or she needs financial aid from parent because of lost of income. Parents who were hoping for otherwise now has to continue slogging.
Scenes from Chinese drama? At least that was what I thought until one realizes that they are as real as the toothache you can have. As parents we used to read books after books to learn parenting skills when the child is young. Somewhere along the line we stopped. We forget that parenting never stops. So do we still continue getting the skills we need? Why have we stop learning? How do we assess our skills before we are dead and gone? Can we then at any time claim that we were good parents?
At what stage does the child take charge and be responsible for his or her own life? Is there a seminar or course to teach children about caring for the parents and putting them as part of their life? Where does their responsibilities lie or is it true that the question was never asked by them or worst still not expected of them?
I now understand why in the Chinese drama, the matriarch wants to go off to the temple to clear her mind through prayers to attain peace. I wish I could do that. At least if not at the temple just a peaceful quiet place. Maybe one can then hear the answers.
Thunderstorm
Today the internet is down for the second day. But I just want to put my say in words first.
I have always experience thunderstorm periodically that I came to believe it has to run once every few months. Recently, it has been dizzily for some time. Wonder if it means the thunderstorm is spread out over a period of time instead of a single blow or is it an indication of a tornado to come.
I have always experience thunderstorm periodically that I came to believe it has to run once every few months. Recently, it has been dizzily for some time. Wonder if it means the thunderstorm is spread out over a period of time instead of a single blow or is it an indication of a tornado to come.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
A Prayer for Her
She was reputed to be the craftsman behind my problems. She was to be the instigator. I believe it is true knowing her character and the way she speaks and think.What more thinking back when I was in my pits, she was no way near. I am sure she is the culprit.
She then received more and more rewards from Him that at an instant I did ask, 'Where are You?'
Today, she must be undergoing tremendous emotional turmoil. I can't bring myself not to care nor rejoice in her pain. The judgement is not mine to make. My pain has not totally gone but I will still say a prayer for her and will go to her if she needs a friend. My hand is extended. My prayer that she will be strong is said.
She then received more and more rewards from Him that at an instant I did ask, 'Where are You?'
Today, she must be undergoing tremendous emotional turmoil. I can't bring myself not to care nor rejoice in her pain. The judgement is not mine to make. My pain has not totally gone but I will still say a prayer for her and will go to her if she needs a friend. My hand is extended. My prayer that she will be strong is said.
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