With the passing of my brother a week ago, the negativity should have reach its lowest. Starting November, I had been physically sick with all kinds of ailments from my gums to my throat and a long list of little nagging. When I saw my brother in hospital, he had deteriorated so much and I was in shock. During cny, I had a short break with another brother and my sister's families. It didn't perk me up that much but nevertheless a good break. I just need a change.
Two days after our return, I went into the dumps again as I see my brother pass away. With that, my mind went into another whirlwind of thoughts and pondering.
Was his death a shock? I cannot say that because we were prepared way back a year ago. Do I miss him, no, I am not that close to my siblings. Why then am I so sad and disturbed?
It just go to show that blood is thicker than water. Irregardless how close we were, he was still my blood brother.
Seeing other siblings talking to the agent on their own packages and seeing their 'bought' eternal location make me realise the angel of death is as near as my own siblings. Whether I amò prepared or not.
A family discussion to move our parents bones that sounds more like a quarrel didn't help. I suddenly remember what it was like and how it affected me. That much hasn't change. Why am I still so emotional then?
I looked around at my nieces and nephews. All are grown up. They have their weakness but seriously , I see them an improvement of their parents. We talked about getting the next generation to bond. So true as we can see the number of actual siblings are dwindling so the next best is cousins. But how do we do it? I pray about it and may God use this empty vessel to do His will.
I look at all of them, and I look at my siblings. I hope to share with them values and thoughts that they may need to handle life situations. I seriously is worried as I see things that are already here. I want to tell them what I think about marriage, family life, honouring parents, not stressing up children. Not to brush aside their parents but to tell them to step back and see a bigger picture. Then make their own mind. Life is not about me, I and myself and you can't say I don't care.. We are put here as part of a family so accept it and work on it. You can't run away. The choice does not exist. Talk to them about empathy, sympathy, sincere care and concern. Put aside comparison , jealousy, selfishness. All to make ourselves better and have a more fruitful life.
Oh so much to say and I still not sure how to do it. But today I decided to put behind the negative and move forward positive. All is possible only if He is willing. In His will, guide me.
