If this blog is human, she would be very upset for I only thinks of her when I am sad. Forgive me at many times, you are the only one I could talk to freely in times like this.
Browsing through my last few blogs, I can draw conclusion that the children's location effects me much. I prayed, I talked to myself, I tried not to think about it but I just can't say that I am over it. I know it is wrong, I know I shouldn't. I know I mustn't but I just miss each and everyone of my children badly. Don't get me wrong. Not that I don't miss my husband. Just that he is always with me.
As my daughter leaves the home, it as just like it was eons ago when the eldest left me. The pain is so great that it feels like a searing tearing of a part of me. a pain can't be described. Again I always ask why I can't get used to it but it is in vain.I never learn, I will never get used to it.
Sometimes it is frightening to think how it will affect me physically. The pain in the chest feel so real. the collapsing of the body is like that of giving up.
So I know I have to work harder on it. I have to pray harder. I need to be able to sit in the chair I shared with her with tearing. I need to look at her photos without wetting my face.
